Page 37 of Beautiful Life
“Focus, Leigh. I was teasing you and wrote the word ‘sex’ instead of ‘six’ and you said we need to talk about that.”
“Oh, yeah.” I crawl under the covers to settle in. “See, I’ve learned a lot of things this weekend. You’re from this perfect family where everyone loves each other and cares about each other and wants to be together. You’re lucky to have that. I’ve never had that. You know the mess I came from and then I got myself into another mess with Preston. I didn’t know I could find an even messier mess, but I sure did. I plopped myself right into the middle of it. But what if those messes are me? What if I can never be normal? Not that your family is normal. I’ve learned this weekend they are far from normal, but you know what I mean. They’re good people. I don’t know if I can fit into that—”
“Gem, stop—”
“No, Tony. I’m not done. Do you know what I realized tonight? I want things. I want to be normal, or whatever kind of normal you Carpinos have. I want to make your favorite meal and sleep with you when we’re fighting and keep your favorite drinks around and even though I’ve never liked to sleep naked, I really want to sleep naked now because apparently you can’t after you have kids. You deserve all that, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be normal enough to be able to sleep naked for you. You could be waiting around for forever and it will all be for nothing. I can’t make you wait forever for someone to make your favorite meals and sleep naked with you before you have kids. Don’t you see? You should cut your losses now and find someone who’s guaranteed to be normal.”
There. I got it all out. I feel a lot better.
But he’s gone silent again.
“Tone?” I call out for him.
“Sweetheart.” His voice turns low and gruff. “If you want to sleep naked, I can make that happen.”
“You don’t understand,” I start, but he interrupts me instantly.
“No, you don’t understand. I don’t give a shit whether or not you fit in with my family. I agree they’re in your business. If you fit in, great, but if not, I don’t care. You fit with me. I regret more than you’ll ever know you were at the hands of that jackass for years, but last October I saw something become available I’ve wanted for a long time so I claimed it on the spot. It being you. I wasn’t going to lose another chance at you, so I stopped fucking around. But, Leigh, you aren’t seeing yourself for what you’ve already become. You’ve got to get past how you were with your mom, your sister and that jackwagon. You’re finding yourself again, you’re just conditioned to not letting yourself be happy. You might think I’m patient, but I’m not. I’m determined and when I set my mind to something, I get it. I’ve already claimed you and you promised to come back to me. I have full confidence you’ll be mine in every way, maybe sooner than later, but that’s entirely up to you. And I’ve just got to add, I’m pleased as fuck you want to make my favorite meals and sleep naked. I don’t know what in the hell went on there tonight, but I can tell you I’m pissed I’m not with you right now but I’m pleased you’re in my tee and I’m more determined than ever we’ll find a way to sleep naked after we have kids.”
Wow.
He wants to sleep naked after we have kids.
And all the other stuff he said.
I don’t know what to say, but the alcohol apparently does because when I open my mouth, I ask before I can make myself stop, “You’ve wanted me a long time?”
He lets out a breath. “Too long, gem. I was young and stupid, thought I could wait ‘til I was out of school to have you but it was too late. Because of that, you’ve been through what you’ve been through and I’ve lost years with you. I can’t go back and change the past—that’s on me and now I’m doing everything I can to make it right.”
Too long? That sounds like a long time. I don’t even know what to think about that. Now would be the perfect time to fess up about the daisies and milkshakes, but honestly, I’d have to be super drunk to do that.
“Please tell me you didn’t pass out,” Tony bites.
“I’m awake,” I whisper.
Tony softens his voice to say, “Sweetheart, I don’t know why you’re worried about being normal. You’ve only moaned for me twice and it was so far off the charts of not-normal, it was out of this world. I can’t imagine how far from normal you’ll be when I finally make you mine. I don’t want normal, Leigh. I want you. Stop worrying. From what you told me tonight, we want the exact same things. If anything, it’s a relief to finally hear this shit out loud. I know you’re drunk, but I’ve got to tell you, it really takes a load off.”
“Good, I guess.” I don’t know what else to say.
He chuckles. I can even hear him smile again. “Let me guess, you want to go to sleep now?”
Wow. He knows me really well. I confirm on a hum. “Mm-hmm.”
“All right. One more night, gem, I’ll have you back.”
“One more night.”
“Roll over to your side, like you’re facing me,” he instructs. “I’ll wait for you to go to sleep before I hang up.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“Pull a pillow into you, sweetheart.”
I settle in with a pillow. “Mmm.”
“Close your eyes and go to sleep.”
I feel my body start to get heavy, but I call out, “Tony?”
