Page 18 of Beautiful Life
What the hell?
I slide my thumb across the screen and answer with a smile. “I know it’s my first day back, you must really miss me.”
“Oh, Leigh. You finally answered. I thought I was going to have to come find you,” Gabby breathes making me stop in my tracks.
“What’s wrong?” I demand.
“Leigh, I don’t…” her voice hitches and I can tell she’s crying. I hear the phone being shuffled around and Jude talking to her in the background.
“Gabby?” I call for her, trying to get her back on the phone.
“Leigh? You’ve got Jude.”
“Is she okay?”
“No. Something has happened. Gabby’s okay now, I’ll explain that later, but it’s Tony. We’re here at the hospital. He’s in surgery.” My insides tighten when he pauses. “Leigh, Tony’s been shot. He lost a lot of blood and they rushed him into surgery as soon as EMS got him here.”
“What?” I ask but can barely hear the word myself.
Tony’s been shot? How could he have been shot? As stupid as this sounds after learning such horrific news, all I can picture in my mind is his unruly hair that falls to his forehead and how his eyes are so soft when they sweep my face, it feels like a touch. As I reach out to hold onto the desk, I try to catalog every touch he’s given me over the past couple months. They were gifts that I now realize I’ve taken for granted. He’s given me everything I’ve needed without me offering anything in return. I think about when I’m with him I feel safe and I can’t remember the last time I felt safe. He’s even given me the gift of sleeping peacefully for the first time in I don’t know how long. But I have nothing to offer him…
“Leigh, are you there? You okay? How much longer do you have on your shift?” Jude presses, breaking into my thoughts.
“I … two hours, I think. How long has he been in surgery?” I try to get my wits about me. I feel like I’m good under pressure—I have to be as an ICU nurse, but when it’s someone you know, someone you care about, it’s a different story.
“About an hour-and-a-half I think,” Jude says. Now that I’m concentrating again, I hear Gabby crying. “Shhh, sugar. Settle down.”
I move to the computer to see where Tony is and what surgeon he’s with. “Is she hurt?”
“The doctor thought she was in shock. I’ll explain it all soon. I’ll call as soon as I know something. Are you going to be okay? Can you finish your shift? I know this is your first day back, but you and Tony…” Jude leaves the sentence open, as I’m sure he doesn’t know how to finish it. Hell, I don’t even know how to finish that sentence.
I hear the tone of my watch, reminding me my sweet elderly patient needs his meds. “I’ve got to go. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Call me if you hear something.”
As my fingers fly across the keyboard, I find Tony was admitted with a gunshot wound to the abdomen and he’s with one of the top surgeons on staff. Not that any of them are bad, but he’s the one I’d pick if I had to. Forcing my body to move to my patient, I’m numb. I triple check his meds before administering them. I don’t need to make any mistakes because my mind isn’t where it needs to be.
I try not to let myself think about the what ifs. What if his family loses him? What if Gabby loses him? The Carpinos have lost dearly over the last few years with Gabby’s parents’ car accident. And I can’t let myself think about what if I lost him. But I do think about everything he’s given me in the past two months. Reasons to smile. Reasons to laugh. Reasons to forget. Reasons to be happy. Reasons to feel alive.
I’ve taken it all.
I go to find my head nurse to beg off early. I’ve already agreed to work back to back shifts Christmas Eve and Christmas, allowing other nurses to be home with their families. She seems kind, maybe she’ll understand.
*****
Tony
“His stats are good, Lizzie. He’s here because he lost a lot of blood and they had to remove his spleen, but he’s stable. You and Tony should try to rest. Visiting hours begin at eight in the morning.” I hear a smooth voice. Leigh … she’s here. “Yeah, I don’t have another shift until tomorrow night. I’ll go home in the morning to sleep. I promise I won’t leave him, Lizzie. Get some rest.”
I barely feel anything, but sense something brushing across my forehead. My eyelids are anvils. I’ve tried a couple of times but I’ve barely gotten glimpses of my parents, Gabby, my sisters, and I can’t even remember who else. Now it’s quiet other than her. I try again to lift my lids and there she is—Leigh, inches from my face.
“Hey,” she whispers, her worried face gazing down at me. Her hand is on my forehead, her fingers brushing through my hair. “You’re going to be okay. Go back to sleep.”
I pull my hand up as best I can and she grabs it to threads our fingers. I open my eyes to see her lean in close.
“Leigh,” I try, but it barely comes out through my rough throat.
“Tony, they just gave you more pain meds, go back to sleep. Don’t fight it.”
“Gem,” I start, but she cuts me off.
