Page 13 of Beautiful Life
“No, Tony. I’m fine.”
Mia is still jumping around the bed. I decide to work with what I’ve got. “Leigh. You’re freaking the dog out. Lay down.”
Leigh frowns through the dim light from the hallway, but then, as if she realizes I’m here for the first time she drags her eyes over my bare chest and down to my jeans. Then slowly, her gaze comes back up to my face like she’s just taking me in.
Well, fuck me. That’s going to try my patience.
My voice comes out rougher this time. “Gem, lay down and go back to sleep.”
As if she’s snapping out of a daze, she gives her head a little shake again and scoots down in the bed turning her back to me. The dog finally settles and I take what I can, pressing my hip up to her back and lean down to kiss her soft hair. I feel her whole body tense as I breathe her in. “Sleep.”
I don’t move away, but start to pull my fingers through her hair, finding myself mesmerized by its weight. After a few minutes, she relaxes into me and I hear a very audible sigh. I smile as I keep at her hair. This takes a while, but finally, her body relaxes more and her breathing evens. I take myself back to the sofa because if I don’t, I know I’ll crawl in behind her. Throwing myself down on the sofa, I bring the palms of my hands up to rub my eyes.
She’s having nightmares. I don’t even know what to do with that. Pulling my hands through my hair, I look into the darkness toward the ceiling. “Fucking hell.”
*****
I open the door for the second night in a row, allowing the hall light to invade her room. Again, she’s curled into herself. Again, she’s whimpering. And again, the dog is going crazy. I go straight to her and this time put my hands to her shoulders and give her a shake. “Gem. Wake up.”
She startles, although she doesn’t seem as surprised to see me tonight. After another four episodes of Sex in the City—which is about to drive me fucking mad—I kissed her forehead, told her I was staying, and pushed her off to bed after she tried to argue with me and I denied her argument. I even brought sleep pants so I didn’t have to sleep in jeans and I wasn’t naked if I needed to go to her. Then I had to make myself tamp down those thoughts and remember my need for patience.
She grabs onto my arms, like she’s holding on for dear life and wheezes, “I’m sorry. So sorry.”
I’m a lawyer, not a psychologist. I have no idea how to take away nightmares. I decide to be selfish and do what I wanted to do last night. I yank her up, pull her into my lap and wrap her up in my arms. She’s tense but I put my hand to the back of her head and stuff her face in my neck while rubbing her back. She finally relaxes, slumping in my arms.
I put my lips to her hair. “What are you dreaming about?”
She tenses and mumbles against my skin, “I’m sorry I woke you again. I want to go back to sleep.”
I pull back to look at her. “It’s not going to go away if you don’t talk about it.”
Her voice is pained. “I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t.”
“Gem, please.”
“No.” She crawls out of my lap to lay back down facing away from me.
I sigh, move close to her and do what I did last night. She settles quicker and finally goes back to sleep.
Tonight, it takes me longer to leave her. I sit here too long wondering what’s in her head. Making myself pull away, I finally go back to my spot on the sofa. Frustrated over what to do, I go back to sleep.
*****
Leigh
The pain is so bad and I know. The minute I feel his foot, I know. Then the noise starts—the crying. It’s earsplitting from the echoes in this room. There’s so much blood, it’s everywhere. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to run. I’m trapped with the blood and the noise. As the pain sharpens and starts to leak out, I know it’s my fault. This shouldn’t have happened, but I did it and that’s on me. I’m the one who caused this and as that realization flows through me the noise becomes louder and louder…
“Gem. Sweetheart, open your eyes.”
I do as I’m told and realize I’m up, in Tony’s lap, moving in his arms this time.
Shit. It just won’t stop.
I can’t help it. I’ve tried to fight it, but I’m weak—especially the third night in a row. He’s wearing me down. I press into him to get as close as possible. He senses this and shifts me to pull me in tighter. I sit here against his bare chest, so big and strong, with his beautiful olive skin wrapped around me. I let myself drink it in. And I do. I drink in everything I can because it’s in the middle of the night, I’m weak, and I can’t keep the nightmares away, that are my reality, which makes it all worse.
“Gem—” Tony starts.
I cut him off tonight. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Then I do what I shouldn’t do, what I didn’t know I could do, and that’s press even closer. If I could melt into his chest I would.
