Page 10 of Beautiful Life
I frown. “Did they teach you this in law school? Maybe you go since you’re the expert.”
“All right, I’ll show you how it’s done.” He looks around for inspiration and I can tell by the look on his face he’s found his target. “You see that middle-aged couple over there? That’s Bernie and Louise McShickelton. Louise is a hoarder, to such an extent that Bernie has sent in multiple applications to those hoarder reality shows but they’ve always been turned down. Not only that, but she shops so she can hoard. She’s such a hoarder, he can’t support her hoarding habits any longer as a golf pro, so he built a meth lab in the cart barn at the country club where he works. He cooks meth when he’s not running the junior golf program. He calls his new business McShickelton Meth, but his double-life is stressing him out. That’s why he’s losing his hair.” He looks back to me as he dips another chip into his fake cheese. “That’s how you people watch at the mall.”
A giggle erupts from my chest and I can’t stop smiling. His eyes immediately go soft as they sweep my face. He brought me to the mall to make me think of something else today and I can tell he’s feeling success. He smiles back while I bite my lip because I can’t stop grinning from thinking about the meth lab cooking golf pro.
“I think I get it,” I say.
“Good, gem,” he answers. “Give it another go.”
“Okay.” I sit back to take a deep breath. But first I reach over Tony to grab a handful of caramel popcorn. As I munch on my popcorn smiling, I look for my target and try my best. I don’t want to suck at people watching.
*****
“I think you won. The newlywed couple who had sex in the Gap dressing room, got caught, and had to be escorted out by the mall cop but snuck back in was pretty funny. I think that might have really happened, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other,” I say as we walk back to Tony’s car.
“You weren’t so bad yourself.” He opens my door for me. “The woman who was a past national ping pong champion that went crazy from years of ping pong training and snuck out of the insane asylum just to play ping pong in the sporting goods store was pretty realistic. She looked like she had a long day. I’m pretty sure she was strung out on sales for real.”
As I am buckling up, my phone rings. “Hey, Paige.”
“Hey yourself. Look, we never did junk food and a movie marathon, how about tonight? I’ll bring the junk food and Gabby’s got a million movies to choose from. I know she and Jude are in Colorado, we can hang out and you won’t have to be by yourself. How about it?”
Honestly. The Carpinos are the nicest people ever.
“That’s my little sister?” Tony asks.
I look to Tony. “Yeah.”
Paige’s voice turns annoyed through my phone. “Is that my brother? What are you doing with him?”
I answer Paige. “We’re leaving the mall.”
“Tony hates the mall,” she states.
“What does she want?” Tony interrupts.
“She wants to do junk food and movies.”
“Did you eat mall food?” Paige asks further.
I turn my attention back to Paige. “Well, yeah.”
“Tell her only if she makes more pumpkin cookies,” Tony demands.
“Tell him I don’t have time to make pumpkin cookies. The batter has to chill,” Paige answers Tony.
“Should I let you two speak to one another?” I ask both of them simultaneously.
“NO!” they chime at the same time.
I sigh. “Paige, movies sound good, but I’m not hungry. I’ve had enough junk food to last a year. Tony will drop me off at Gabby’s, we should be there soon.”
Tony puts hand out to me. “Give me the phone.”
I frown as I hear Paige groan at her brother’s request. “Here, Tony changed his mind. He wants to talk to you.”
Tony takes the phone as he navigates our way through the crazy after Thanksgiving traffic. “I’m not dropping her off. I’m staying for movies. Bring whatever junk food you had planned and I’ll pay you forty dollars for more pumpkin cookies, but you have to make them tomorrow.” He pauses and then adds frustratingly, “Fine. Fifty. But I want the whole batch.”
And then, just like that, he hangs up on his sister without saying goodbye.
