Page 109 of Paths
Children.
This brings my thoughts back to why I woke up in the middle of the night.
I don’t feel different, but I also don’t feel like I’m about to get my period. I do know for a fact I’ve never once analyzed how I feel as much as I have in the past two days. Do I feel pregnant, do I not feel pregnant, what does being pregnant even feel like? Am I bloated, do I need chocolate, am I emotional?
And if I am pregnant, what kind of mom will I be? It’s not like I have a good example. At least I know what kind of mom I won’t be—Vanessa Augustine was no role model.
Suddenly, I have the overwhelming desire for a donut.
Does this mean I’m pregnant? Or is it just because I smell donuts? And can I smell the donuts because my senses are heightened or is it just because there are donuts on the next table?
Honestly. I’m so over myself, I can’t stand it.
I toss the balloon and hit it down the table to Betty as I berate myself for over-analyzing my uterus and my sense of smell.
“Spank it, Betty!” Foxy yells.
“For the love of it all,” I say but can’t stop myself from grinning. “It’s Smack It. I should’ve just named it Tap the Balloon.”
“Oh, Maya.” Foxy narrows his eyes and slides back and forth in his seat. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was constipated, but this is Foxy. He’s giving me his sexy eyes and doing one of his little dances. “I’d tap that. Bow-chicka-wow-wow.”
I can’t help it. I burst out laughing and throw my noodle across the table at him.
And Foxy shows me how spry he really is, because he catches it in midair as he keeps moving in his chair. “Boom—now I can spank with both hands.”
Oh my.
*****
Grady –
The next day…
I can’t wait for her to be done working two jobs. I want her here more. She doesn’t need to work at all, but she loves being at the Ranch, and it looks like that PT job will officially be hers soon. She seems excited about that. Lucky for me—she can electrocute me any time she feels like it.
When I push the button to lift one of the garage doors, I’m surprised to see her small compact car already parked for the day. She’s home early—it’s barely five o’clock.
Seeing her car reminds me we need to buy her a bigger one. It snows enough here she needs a four-wheel drive, plus, if she is pregnant, we’ll need it sooner than later.
I go to my phone to unarm the security system, and I shake my head when I see it’s already unarmed. We’ve only had the system for two days, but I’ve told her when she’s here, it needs to be set. It also needs to be set when she’s not here, and so far, she doesn’t seem to understand how strongly I feel about this.
As I walk through the mudroom and into the back hall, I round the corner and find her in the family room, tucked in the corner of the enormous sectional that was delivered a few days ago. “Hey, you’re home early.”
Her eyes dart to mine, surprised. She was staring at the ugliest Christmas tree on earth, as she insisted we bring it from her rental at the winery. She said the memory of me cutting it down is one of her favorites, and told me next year she expects me to do it again. When she filled me in on this, I immediately decided to have a grove of trees planted on the back half of our property. If I plan for it now, at least we’ll have decent trees in the future.
But I can’t take my eyes off her face. Her expression is almost void of emotion, and it’s not one I’m used to seeing. “You okay?”
She shakes her head, but just like she’s done to me before, her words contradict her expression. “I’m fine.”
I drop my workout bag, forgetting all about talking to her about the alarm, and move straight to her. She tilts her head back, looking at me as I get close and moves her legs for me to sit. Frowning, I ask, “What’s wrong?”
She shakes her head again. “I thought I’d be relieved.”
My frown deepens. “Relieved?”
She sighs. “It must have been all the activity or stress of the last few weeks. Or, who knows, maybe it’s all the Flamin’ Hot Fritos I’ve been eating and my system is off. I can’t remember the last time I was three days late.”
I try not to let my disappointment show, because as our days together have added up, especially the last few, I’ve been doing my best not to get excited.
