Prologue
Aiden
Four years ago
What the hell was happening here? Aiden Sheppard heard what was said, but he couldn't believe it. He resisted the urge to try cleaning out his ears in the hopes that he'd heard wrong. He hadn't and Aiden knew it. He’d been here and done this too many times to believe what he’d heard wasn’t correct. They were essentially the same words that had been used so many times in the past. There was no mistaking them or the meaning behind them. He was once again facing a man who was meant to love and accept everyone, watching his prejudice overshadow his calling as the man asked Aiden to leave and not come back.
"You're a good boy with a kind heart but your life choices aren't acceptable.” How many times had Aiden heard those words?
“Look, you’re a great guy and you have a good heart but I can’t be what you need.”
“You’re a great guy, Aiden. But what you’re looking for…. It’s messed up.”
“Aiden, you’re sweet, but I’m not into that crap.”
“You’re a good kid but…”
There had been so many buts in Aiden’s life that he wondered how he hadn’t crumbled beneath the weight of his baggage.
“We can't have someone so blatantly disrespecting the word of God representing a church dedicated to following it." The words brought Aiden from his fucked up memories and back into the present.
"And how, exactly, am I disrespecting it?" Aiden asked the question, but he already knew the answer. He'd been here and done this before, as well. It wasn't easy being a Catholic and openly gay. It wasn't always so blatantly obvious. He wasn't always asked outright to leave, but he'd felt the sting of being pushed out many times.
He’d been pushed out of churches since he’d first come out as a teen. He’d been urged to listen to God and follow His will as if he wasn’t already. He’d been asked to change who he was in order to fit in. But Aiden had become used to not fitting in. He’d never fit in at church, he’d never fit in at school, and he’d never fit in to the kink community. Not completely. He’d become used to being the outcast and he’d become used to being cast out.
This time it stung worse, however. He'd thought he'd finally found a home here. He wasn’t sure why he’d allowed himself to but, he'd thought he had connected with members and made friends. He'd gotten comfortable because he'd attended so long. Last Sunday, however, he'd walked in with his boyfriend, holding hands, making no secret of the fact they were a couple. Aiden had finally felt like he could. This conversation proved he'd been wrong.
Now, he’d once again lost everything. He’d been through so many times of being shunned and disparaged, but he’d never had it happen twice in one day before. He’d never had the man he thought he might be able to love turn him away for who he was and have the church do the same no more than an hour later.
"Man shall not lie with other men," the priest said, bringing Aiden back to the moment. He was paraphrasing, of course. Aiden knew the Bible well enough to know that wasn't the exact wording and that the verse being referenced wasn't meant to be used the way the priest was using it. He also knew from experience that arguing his point wouldn't do any good. He'd been there and done that as well.
Someone determined to believe what they wanted to believe wouldn't change their opinion. They'd argue every point until they were blue in the face, deny every fact thrown at them, twist anything they could to make it fit their agenda, and in the end, they'd ignore the evidence and stick to their fucked-up belief anyway.
Aiden simply nodded his head and turned to leave. He ignored the tears that escaped. He’d shed plenty before coming there but it seemed they didn’t have an end, so he let them trail down his cheeks unheeded. He'd been stupid to believe he'd found something good for him.
He'd always drawn the short straw in life and even though he'd tried to be a good person and do good things, sometimes it seemed that God had abandoned him, leaving him to fend for himself. People called Aiden a computer genius–whatever that meant–yet it seemed that his advanced intelligence with computers was offset by his complete lack of knowledge about how so much of the world worked. Clearly, Aiden still couldn’t tell good people from bad, since he’d yet to find a group of people that would accept him, much less become his family.
Straddling his bike, Aiden opened the Bible in his hand to the bookmarked page, spread it over the handlebars in front of him, and read the scripture he'd always used when life knocked him down. He needed it now, needed to feel like there was hope. Because at that moment, it didn’t seem there was any.
"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will surely help you; I will uphold you with My right hand of righteousness."It didn't feel like He was with Aiden, but Aiden knew that sometimes it just seemed that way. Something in Aiden urged him to move on, to find a new place and start over. Maybe that was God sending him to where he was meant to be forever. It never had been before, but it could happen, right?
Once he reached his house, he changed from his Sunday church clothes and donned his usual attire of jeans and a T-shirt. While he'd ordinarily sport something with a gaming theme and a bright, cheerful message, Aiden wasn't in the mood for the cute, happy sayings. He'd chosen instead a plain black shirt to go with his black jeans. It seemed fitting since he was mourning the loss of his hope.
Aiden opened his computer and got to work searching for locations that would offer him a new beginning. When he landed on a page for a town four hours away, he stopped and stared at the screen. It didn’t seem much different than any of the other small towns in Texas, or America for that matter, but something was pulling him to it. He didn't want to open any new tabs. He was no longer interested in researching new places. This one fascinated him.
Bookmarking the page in his browser, Aiden set about packing. Despite his being sent away yet again, Aiden felt his hope of finding his family blooming again. He couldn’t let this break him. He'd never had a family before, and Aiden knew that what he was searching for was out there somewhere. Despite his crappy day, he smiled at the prospect of starting over.
He tried not to let himself get too hopeful for his new beginning. After all, the higher the hope, the harder the fall when it all came crashing down. He knew he needed to get out of this town, though. He couldn’t live in a community where he’d consistently run into the very people who had judged him unworthy and shunned him. So, Aiden packed only what he needed or couldn't leave behind. He was heading to Lilton, TX as soon as possible.
Rocky
Four Years Ago
Rocky D'Angelo stood stiffly and watched. He had to hold himself stiff or he'd crumple to the ground. Tears leaked from his eyes as the casket was lowered. With each inch it sank, memories played in his head, seeming to take on life inside his mind.
All the huge moments of their lives together danced through his memory. Meeting Seth in the coffee shop and knowing in an instant that Seth was his. The first date, when Seth tested the waters by wearing a cartoon t-shirt. Finding out for certain that Seth was the Little boy Rocky had been searching for. Saying “I do” in front of Elvis in Vegas, because Seth wanted to be married by a king. The first time he carried Seth into their newly purchased home.
Mundane moments crowded into the stream as if to say, “I am here and just as important!” They were important. Infinitely important. They were the little things that Rocky had taken for granted, and now he’d give anything to have them back. Making Seth knight-in-shining-armor pancake art. Playing Tickly-Tootsies at bedtime. Feeding Seth bites of popcorn as he was curled in Rocky’s lap watching The Sword in the Stone for the seven hundredth time.
