I don’t envy him.
I don’t spare a glance at the face I’d already bashed in plenty, instead nodding and replying, “Understood.”
I head out of the room, fucking glad it isn’t me in the hot spot. It very well could’ve been if I hadn’t turned up any information.
Hell, it still could be if I don’t track this down.
It’s doubtful. Silvano is pragmatic, and he knows I bust my ass for him. A demotion would be more likely, but I can’t ever tell when he’ll decide to send a message that fuck-ups like mine just aren’t tolerated if they aren’t immediately remedied.
I head down to the office Lily uses for her tech wizardry, knocking on the open door to let her know I’m there.
She lifts a flawlessly-manicured finger in a “one-second” motion, and I wait for her to finish typing. I respect her. She has a quick mind, a dry sense of humor, and a complete and utter inability to tolerate bullshit.
Then again, she tolerates Knives.
My mood darkens again, but I make sure she can’t see my impatience. She gets enough shit from the other men, and she’s someone I’d want to be friends with if circumstances were different.
They aren’t, but I can at least keep things as friendly as possible.
Lily’s attention turns to me, and she offers me a smile I’m not quite sure how to read. “Okay, I have that info for you,” she says without preamble. “Nice work, locking in on Spinoza.” She scowls. “Someone should’ve caught onto him sooner, honestly. He was a walking red flag.”
I cringe because that someone is me. I should’ve noticed that there was something wrong far before I did. But I’d been so distracted by Knives’s presence, whether he’d been there physically or just haunting my mind, that I’d really fucked up. “Yeah,” I say, my voice as neutral as I can make it.
“You probably think I’m talking about you,” Lily says, and my head snaps up as I stare at her. She nods, as though confirming something to herself. “Yeah, I figured. A certain someone does like to blame you for everything that happens.”
“Yeah,” I say again. “But it’s fine.”
“Fine,” she repeats. “But is it true?”
I scowl at her. “Yes, I’m sure it is. I’m a backstabbing traitor, I’m personally responsible for world hunger, everything that goes wrong in this Family is because of me, blah blah blah. Now can we get on with it so I can leave?”
Leave, to go find Knives. To hear all of this again, and again, the whole way down to New Valence, then while we’re there—trying to work together—then all the fucking way back.
Maybe I’ll join up with one of the families down there instead.
The idea holds a certain allure, now that I think about it. I don’t want to move to a new place and have to work my way back up all over again, but at the same time, it would be nice not to run into Knives everywhere I go.
“Knives should be here for this report, too,” she says, a small smirk tugging on her lips. “He said he’s on his way.”
Fuck.
“You can’t just tell me what you know now?” I grumble, setting my back hard against the door frame.
“Why bother to do it twice?” Lily retorts. “It won’t be long, anyway. Just relax.” She pauses, considering me, then offers, “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re the absolute worst.”
I scowl at her. “You know, somehow, that’s not really that big of a compliment as you might be thinking it is.”
“Did you start it, or did he?” She looks relaxed, but there’s something about her demeanor that makes me realize she’s a little wary of this conversation.
“What?” I ask, trying to narrow down what she could possibly be blaming me for.
“The fight,” she clarifies. “Looks like he clocked you hard.”
I sigh. The last thing I want is to go over this again, especially with someone who’s so obviously in the pro-Knives club. “I don’t want to talk about it, all right? It was my fault. I fucked up.”
I’m not sure who hates me more, Knives or myself.
Lily scoffs at me, but before she can respond, Knives’s heavy footsteps sound from down the hall.
