“Yeah, I know.” She trailed her hand across her rounded stomach. It would be a few more months before either of them felt comfortable with being too rough or wild. “I’m a little scared.”
“Of what?”
“Him.” She rubbed her stomach.
He gave her a look full of gentle mocking. “He’s a baby; he won’t hurt you.”
Mia snorted. “Are you kidding? Did you see those videos at that birth class?”
Shane paled, clearly remembering and not enjoying the images they had seen last week. “Point taken, but you’re a tough bitch, baby girl, and childbirth won’t beat you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Your way with words, Shane…” Sighing again, she said, “It’s not the pain—well, that scares me a bit, but not as much as being a mom.” She bit her lip. “I’m not sure I’m ready for this.”
He shifted, scooting closer so he could put a hand over hers. “Me neither, but he’s coming either way.”
That was the truth. Mia had been surprised to discover she was several months along, having attributed her symptoms to continued use of Depo-Provera. She hadn’t realized her cessation of periods meant something more than a side effect of the shot until her tummy started to round and she felt a weird fluttering sensation. By the time they discovered the failure of their birth control, she was out of the first trimester.
When she had tentatively asked if he wanted to keep it, Shane’s emphatic yes had gone a long way toward easing her anxiety about parenthood. Still, she had her moments where the fear overwhelmed her despite his quiet strength. “What do I know about being a mom? My own was an addict, and I still don’t know if that was her choice or Vadim’s control. I’ll never know if he really killed her or if she accidentally OD’d, or if she did it on purpose to escape everything, including me.”
“You had Stefania.”
His reminder usually worked, but she was having an anxious day. “She was great, but her own son was a crazy monster. Do I really want to emulate her? I don’t want to ruin our child’s life with my mistakes.”
He squeezed her hand before stretching his palm to cover the back of hers and part of her abdomen. “We’re going to fuck up. That’s us, babe. The most important thing is we do our best. We love each other, we’re going to love him, and the rest will work itself out.”
Calmness filled her and she nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“I’m always right, baby girl.”
Mia sniffed. “Your ego is as enormous as ever, Shane.”
Clearly neither repentant nor humbled, he grinned at her. “Someday, it might even get bigger than my cock.”
•••
