I’d finally slunk off, showered and returned to find guests already drunk off their asses. Josh and Sam had found me, plying me with liquor and teasing compliments while Bess worked the room, Pete, her doting boyfriend, trailing.
At 3am I’d been drunk as a skunk, outside in the garden dancing under the stars, entertaining Josh and Sam with my antics. Sam had passed out shortly after, but Josh had stayed awake, looking out for me. I’d dropped to his side, happy drunk grin still in place.
"I love Pete," I’d gushed, hands flailing happily about to emphasize my point. "He’s my best friend."
"I thought Bess was your best friend."
I’d frowned, reaching out a hand to trace his serious lips.
"You should smile more." I informed him, ignoring the question as my fingers traced the shape of his mouth. "I like it when you smile." I pushed at the corners, trying to force a smile.
"Do you just?" His lips kicked up and I dropped my hand, sighing happily.
"Mmhmm." I nodded, throwing my hands out wide and falling onto my back in the grass. The sky rotated dizzyingly above me.
"What else do you like?"
"Dogs. And my family. And helping people. And you. But I love Pete." I admitted. "But no one lets me have a dog or help people or love Pete. Not even Pete."
"Why?"
"Cause I’m not pretty or smart or good. I trip over too much. And mum is allergic to dogs." I rolled toward him, curling onto my side, hands tucked under my chin. "That’s a lie though. She just doesn’t like them."
He looked down at me. Reclined, legs stretched out fully in-front of him, leaning on his elbows, the moonlight brushed his face, giving him a surreal fairy look. Like a night fae come to steal away unsuspecting women.
"You love Pete?" His voice remained low.
"Since I was eleven." I admitted, my eyes closing. "He gave me a macaroni-picture-frame."
He chuckled. "You gotta up your standards, sweetheart. Or you’ll fall in love with every kindergartener alive."
I huffed out a laugh, eyes closing, wishing his soothing voice would keep talking. "No. Just Pete."
"Why?"
"Cause he’s my oldest friend. And he saw me."
"Lots of people see you. I do."
I laughed, feeling my happy-buzz slip. "No. I’m not smart enough. Or non-fall-y enough. Or… anything."
"You’re beautiful, Molly."
I could feel the hot tears wetting my cheeks. I didn’t want to cry; I needed more alcohol. But I was so tired. And embarrassed. I hated being embarrassed and it happened all the damn time. And I was just so tired of not being wanted. Of not being enough.
"No one sees me." I forced my eyes open. "I thought Pete did. But he’s with Bess."
Josh reached out, brushing hair away from my face, fingers brushed across my cheeks removing the tears. "Find someone worthy of you. Pete isn’t that guy, he’s an idiot."
I shook my head. "Pete’s it. No one else even cares. If he can’t see me…" I trailed off, hiccupping a little.
"Make them." Josh whispered fiercely. "Make them see you."
The party buzzed around us as Josh stared at me, his eyes narrowed in anger.
I narrowed mine in response.
I want to punch your stupidly perfect face.
