“Oh, of course,” she says as she gives me a sympathetic look. I’m guessing she thinks that I am upset to see him like this, but she couldn’t be further from the truth. “Take a seat by the bed if you like. You know, I believe that even though he’s sleeping, he can still hear you.” Her words are meant to offer comfort to a grieving lover, but all they do is fuel me to put an end to this part of my life, once and for all.
“Come on, love,” she continues as she guides me to the chair and gently pushes on my shoulder so that I sit down.
I do it because I want her out of this room.
I don’t want an audience for what I am going to say.
“Take your time, dear, and just press the button if you need anything,” she says as she places the nurse’s buzzer in my hand. I instantly feel better having it in my grasp, so I can use it within a second if I need to.
Just because the devil sleeps, doesn’t mean that he won’t give a spectacular finale and come alive to finish me off.
The nurse pats my shoulder gently before I hear her footsteps move to the door. My eyes are trained on Michael as I wait to hear the door click shut.
When it does, the silence looms.
Michael looks pale, gaunt, and nothing like the man that once made my heart flutter before making it pound in fear.
The stubble around his face has grown into a short beard.
Gone is the Michael that I knew, and in its place is a man that is weak. He always was, but I was too consumed by fright to see it.
He always feared me.
Feared that I would leave.
Feared that I would love another.
He ruined us, and I solely believe that the blame lies with him.
Yes, I could have been stronger, but it wouldn’t have mattered.
He always would have found a new way to try and infiltrate my mind and flip everything on its axis.
Our relationship was doomed from the start.
I clutch the buzzer in my hand and begin to release the final demon that lives inside of me.
“Michael,” I say on a breath before clearing my throat to speak a little louder. “So, here we are. You fighting for your life, and me in the driving seat. Quite a turnaround, huh?” I scoff at the role-reversal.
“You know, I will never understand your desire to make me yours, make me bow to you, and make me so frightened for my life. You preyed on my vulnerability, you homed in on my weaknesses, and you played me like a fool.
“I truly believed that we had something special, but from the moment that you first hit me, I knew that a shadow was cast over us. It took me a while to figure it out, or maybe my mind didn’t want to admit that our love was bogus. Whatever it was, I never should have let you in.
“I spent months blaming myself, telling myself that I needed to do better, that I needed to make you proud of me, act how you wanted, be the good girlfriend that you deserved. But in reality, nothing I ever did, or would have done, would have been good enough. You were always there, digging, taunting, poking, putting the fear of God in me.”
I take a few deep breaths as rage bubbles up inside of me.
A rage that I need to expel, and one that I never want to experience again.
“You were never capable of true love, Michael. I believe that you loved me, but it wasn’t healthy. Your love was an obsession, a curse. There would never be a cure for the way in which you need that control to make some part of you whole.
“I’ve been learning a lot about myself in the last few weeks. I am worthy of so much more, and I swear that I will forever remember that I fought and won. I came out of this stronger than I was before. Do I wish that I had never met you? It’s a question that has plagued me for months.
“Sometimes I wish I hadn’t and sometimes I think that this happened for a reason. I didn’t know if fate existed, and for a while, I doubted that love did, but then something happened, a switch went off inside of me, and I know that fate and love are one and the same.
“I believe that there is a perfect person for everyone, whether they meet them or not. And you, Michael, were not my perfect person. You were my nemesis. You were sent to challenge me, to push me to be brave and become who I am now.
“I’ve been slaying my demons, putting them to bed, shutting the door on them and locking the key. And now I am slaying the final one.”
