He almost laughs, but he frowns as he stares at the picture on his screensaver. The blond-haired, blue-eyed girl he loves won’t speak to him. It’s a tough disconnect. I know how badly it hurts to deal with separation, but I also know it’s going to get better if they don’t reconcile. It’ll always hurt, but eventually it’s a little less noticeable.
“I love her, Araya. I don’t want to be like you and Hale. I’m sorry if that’s terrible to say, but I’m serious.”
I sigh slightly as I stare at Hale and Brazen flying by us - the two men I’m madly in love with, and the two men who have savagely ripped my heart out.
“I hope you have better luck than me in general, Grayson. She’ll come around.”
“I hope so. Are you scared of these scorpion guys? You have every right to be, so don’t feel bad if you want to say yes. I won’t think any less of you.”
Images of my body being slapped with vicious electrical currents flash through my mind, and I shake free from the tormenting memories.
“Of course I’m scared. I’d be a fool not to be afraid, but fear doesn’t control me. I’m smarter, stronger, and more capable of fucking their world up now than I was before.”
He forces a smile and then he leans back before saying, “You had it worse than I did growing up. How did you make it?”
A tear threatens the corner of my eye, and then I murmur, “Because others depended on me. Clay told everyone the first time I went savage was a few years before I met Hale, but it was long before then. I went savage about a week after my release into the United. There was a child there I had been protecting, and when I came back to visit, they had beaten her so badly she was barely recognizable. She needed blood - a lot of it, and they refused her.
“I lost it. I carried her on my hip as the place begin shredding apart. I walked her out, and Clay showed up moments too late. The surviving hybrid children followed me out, and we told them it was a phase three storm instead of a phase one Araya.”
“I’d hate to see you in phase two if you did that in phase one.”
“Yes you would. I hate it when I lose control because I hurt so many if Hale isn’t there to distract me. As long as he’s close, I have nothing to worry about. Clay didn’t really give him enough credit. He may not be able to control me, but I want him so badly when I’m savage, I’m easily deterred from my destructive path because of my desire.”
“How can you feel that way when you’re savage and not when you’re sober?”
“I never said I didn’t feel that way sober. I love them both more than I could ever explain, but in the end neither of them loved me the way they should have. I hate being lied to. I hate secrets. They know that… Hale especially. My life started as a secret just as all the forgottens. If there’s something good, it’s never a secret. It’s only the bad, the shameful, or the dirty we cover up.”
“Do you think you’ll ever forgive Nicholas?”
“I think you’re very inquisitive right now,” I laugh out, and he smiles again.
“Sorry. I chatter when I’m nervous.”
“I drive, swim, fight, dance, and get drunk when I’m nervous. I feel like having a drink right now. Care to drive?”
He flashes me a full grin before nodding, and we swap seats while keeping the car rolling. I pull out my whiskey, and the smooth burn runs down my throat as I recline back in the seat.
“Cheers,” I chirp playfully, and he laughs a little more as I turn up the bottle once again.
Alcohol is known to make people forget. I only wish I could forget so very, very much. Maybe then I could let go of it all.
