“Fallon’s up and on crutches. I guess she ripped Anson a new one.”
I breathed as if I couldn’t trust my lungs.
“Gray.” Mace rarely sounded solemn. “We both know his wards are shit. Blow through them. Go see her. Hold her hand.”
“I’m not going to fucking hold her hand.” More than anything, Noa hated being treated like an invalid. I might want to hold her hand for myself. But she’d already risked her life for me. I wouldn’t let her do it again, and if I showed up like the needy alphahole ready to save the day, she’d not only hate me for “rescuing” her. She’d risk herself again. Fight my battles. Stand at my side. We’d argue, and I’d say things. She’d do the same. I’d undermine her confidence after she’d worked so hard to find it. Probably hurt her more than I had.
Besides, my reasons for wanting her with Anson were the same reasons I had for Fallon and Laura. Their safety was my priority, while my excuses for staying away were as valid—even though Mace was right and I could have strolled through Anson’s wards any time I wanted.
I’d already disrespected Anson with Fallon’s charade. I would honor his decision because he needed me to honor it. When we decided to rescue Brin because we needed a faille, I’d asked Fallon to keep Anson preoccupied and unaware of what we were doing. That decision was unfair to him, and what I did now was meant to rebuild the trust we’d lost.
But his arguments were also valid. Noa had enemies. She’d be harder to find in the middle of the Carmag, with so many competing wolf energies swirling around. My presence would only disrupt things.
I knew Anson’s wards would warn against intruders, agents sent from Amal. Or the vampires, who’d be searching for her. And while I might want to be there, Noa didn’t fucking need me there when Anson was willing to protect her.
The nymphs had told me that much, how my dread lord influence wasn’t healthy for Noa after she’d nearly burned herself out for me.
“What about you?” Mace asked, his voice low. “Maybe you need her to hold your hand.”
I snorted.
“She calms you,” he persisted. “Her energy against yours.”
I heaved a breath, pushed the chair back and walked to the window—wooden-framed and overlooking the stakewall below. The forest beyond. Skeletal trees reached toward the full moon, close to the mid-heaven now.
The cold leaching through the glass did nothing for the anger writhing beneath my skin, old and primal. The curse of the kings was a constant presence, the driving need to fix what they’d destroyed. The need to fix Noa. Destroy Amal.
Guilt pressed hard over my failure to do even one of those things. I hadn’t wanted to see it, how each time I asked Noa for something… and each time she granted it unquestioningly… I was slowly destroying her.
I’d keep on destroying her if she was around me—and fool that I was, I almost didn’t care. Didn’t have the strength not to do what Mace suggested.
Run to her. Beg her. Break for her when she’d already broken for me. Doing that to Noa once again… I’d rather stab my own heart.
With no way to explain, I took the easier path and remained at the window. Staring at nothing. Silent, waiting until Mace stood. He closed the door softly as he left.
In the morning, it wasn’t news from the Carmag, but vampires who demanded my attention.
“They’re outside the stakewall,” the guard said, rushing the words. “Waiting in the open.”
The men were assembling, their numbers increasing as I stalked through the open gates. Mace was waiting. Levi, gripping his spear.
Set stood regally, as if the gray field was her court and everyone gathering around had come to honor her. She was wrapped in white fur against the cold she couldn’t feel. Her hair was as black as a raven’s wing and lifting in the frigid breeze. The same breeze whipped the cape hem around her black-booted feet. Her tight pants were also black. I assumed whatever shirt she wore matched the color theme.
Behind her stood three similarly attired vampires, two males and one female, bristling with hostility.
Perhaps we were allies, but we were not friends. Shadows swirled and anger pulsed, tight with vengeance. I would not push it down. Vampires had taken Noa. Levi and Laura. Vampires cut my mate, tore into the runes on her skin. They’d fucking cut away at the black wolf sigil.
Vampires nearly killed her.
Vampires who betrayed their own.
Julien.
Men fell into ranks behind me, spreading out. They sensed my hostility and reacted in kind.
More vampires shimmered into being, forming three additional rows behind Set. She’d come prepared for battle.
I would meet her on the field if that was what she wanted.
