Page 18 of Loss
“Me too. He’ll be home tonight or tomorrow mornin’. I’m not sure what’s goin’ on though. I still haven’t talked to him,” Valor tells me, pain filling his voice as he thinks of the distance between his brother and him. It kills him on a daily basis.
“I know you haven’t. I’m sorry you guys have drifted so far apart,” I say, my heart breaking for them because they’ve always been so nice to me and they don’t deserve this to happen to them.
“We’ll get our shit back on track. I’m not worried about it. I’m worried about him though. He’s been gone two weeks and I’m not sure what his comin’ home is gonna be like. Or if he’s even stayin’ here. He’s been talkin’ about goin’ Nomad since dad was killed,” Valor tells me something that I didn’t know he was saying to anyone.
I don’t say anything to him. It’s not a surprise to hear Vault wants to get out of here. He can’t stand to be around so many memories of his dad. I really can’t blame him. I didn’t want to be in a house surrounded by my parents’ things when they were killed, so I know where he’s coming from. But this is his home, where the rest of his family lives. I wasn’t lucky enough to have that. Vault has such a huge support system and he needs to learn to take advantage of that instead of trying to rely on himself to solve all of his problems. Sometimes you just can’t do that. The pain is too much to bear alone and it will weigh you down until you can’t see a way out of the darkness surrounding you and pulling you deeper into its depths.
“Are you gonna see him?” Valor asks me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
“If he wants to see me, then I will. I’ll never shut him out or give up on him. I promised you that and I told him the same thing before he left,” I answer, snuggling closer to Valor and soaking up his strength and warmth.
“But do you want to see him?” he questions again, not letting me give him a non-answer because I don’t want to face my feelings.
“Yeah. But I can’t forget the woman on the back of his bike when he left here. He told me that spot was reserved for his ol’ lady, so I guess he told me how he feels without saying a word,” I tell him, not being able to stop the tears this time.
“You know he just gave her a ride home, don’t you?” Valor asks me, letting go of me and sitting me up so he can look me in the eyes.
“I thought she left with him as his woman or someone he was starting to date. He told me to let him go, Valor,” I say meekly, not stopping the tears now falling.
“No. She was talkin’ about headin’ home because she didn’t want to be a house bunny anymore. So, she asked him for a ride and he couldn’t exactly refuse because there wasn’t a good enough reason to,” he says, shrugging his shoulders because he knows how Vault feels about women on his bike. It’s the same way he feels and why he hasn’t put anyone on the back except for Savannah.
“Oh. Well, I mean, I’m not gonna force him to see me, Valor.”
“He wants to see you. I know it’s been killin’ him not to see or talk to you. Alex really does love you in a way I’ve never seen him care about another person. Yeah, he loved dad and he loves me, but the love he has for you is one of magic. It’s ones you read about in stories and never think you’re gonna find for yourself,” Valor tells me, a deep longing filling his voice because I know him and Savannah have been going through some shit of their own.
“What about you and Savannah?” I return, wanting to get the attention off of me and Vault because there’s no point in talking about something that won’t happen.
“I care about Savannah and I know she cares about me too. But it’s nothin’ compared to what my brother feels for you. He’s spent every second with you since you came back here. He never spent more time with a female than it took to fuck them and then get rid of them. Not tryin’ to be an ass, but that’s how he’s always been. Vault never wanted to settle down and take the chance a woman wasn’t cut out for the life we lead,” Valor says, being completely open and honest with me. “Besides I’ve had my eye on a girl since she turned eighteen. I know she’s with someone else, but my heart doesn’t seem to understand that shit.”
“Oh. Anyone I happen to know?” I ask him, not sure who he’s talking about even though I have a feeling it’s one of the girls who grew up in one of the clubs around us.
“I’m sure you do know her. I just feel as if I’m torn in two. On one hand, I’ve been livin’ with and fuckin’ Savannah. Like I said, I care about her more than I’ve ever cared about another woman. With one exception. The girl I can’t stop thinkin’ about and have always wanted even though I know she’s been with someone for as long as I can remember. It’s like you and Vault. These two are destined to be together and my heart hurts because I don’t know that he actually realizes what a great girl he’s actually got in his life. Again, exactly like my brother. Don’t you worry about it, Pretty Girl. Everythin’ will work out the way it’s supposed to one way or another,” Valor answers me and I have a really good idea who he’s talking about. I’ve met them a few times and I agree with him about the guy. He doesn’t know or care what a great girl he has at his side.
There’s not much I can say about it. I know that’s how Vault was before I got here. Enough of the women have talked about it when I’ve been at the clubhouse. They like to rub it in my face about fucking him. Of course they do it when no one else is around because they all know none of the men and women would let them talk like that to me or in front of me out of spite because Vault hasn’t been spending his time with them and they feel as if it’s my fault. Women are cruel and it’s not necessary if you ask me.
“Just promise me you’ll give him a chance. He wants you too much and just needs to get his head back on right. Goin’ through Dad’s things before he left tore him up even more and made it final for him. More so than buryin’ him. I’ve never seen another person’s soul get crushed the way Vault’s did those two days we went through everythin’ in the house. Yeah, I’m hurt and it’s the last thing I wanted to do, but my brother has always had a better bond with our dad and this is killin’ him more than any of us realized it would,” Valor says, his voice filled with emotions he’s trying to hold back as his eyes fill with moisture and I know he’ll hide before he lets one tear fall.
“I’ll always give him a chance. Your brother is it for me and I feel it deep down in my soul, but right now it’s time for me to move on with my life. I’m leaving soon for college and won’t be here to see him every day. If we’re meant to be together, it will happen one day. Just not right now,” I tell him, sadness filling me. “Maybe this is showing me that I’m supposed to get out there and live my life away from him. To experience things that I’ve been denying myself because of him. Things like dating and meeting other guys.”
“Yeah. Maybe you’re right. I just realized your birthday is comin’ up in a few days too. Hopefully, Vault will be here for it. Does he know when it is? Of course he does. That was a stupid fuckin’ question. I’ll let you get back to what you’re doin’. If you need me, just message or call and I’m here. Savannah sends her love and wants you to know she misses you,” Valor says, hugging me before standing from his chair.
“Thank you, Valor.”
“Anytime. I’ll make sure you know when he gets in. I’m sure he’s gonna want to sleep for a while, but I’ll message you. Or have Savannah do it,” he says, walking off the porch and heading back to the clubhouse.
I know Valor enough to know he’s going to park his ass in the common room and won’t move until he lays eyes on his brother. He’s missed him and wants to see him. I do too, but I’m not going to go straight over to see him. I’ll let him get some rest and make sure he’s had time with the guys before I go see him. Picking my phone back up, I let Keira’s words pull me into another world so I can forget about Vault coming home. It’s the break I need right now and I’m going to take it so I don’t run over there and join Valor in waiting for the man we both love and miss with everything in us.
Part Two
The Present
Chapter Eleven
Vault
Five years later
LIFE HAS BEEN fucking pure hell for the last five years. The first thing I did when I got back home so many years ago was talk to Slim and the rest of the club about helping everyone in Cedar Bay. We got rid of the pimps and dealers so the community could clean the town up and get it back to what it was previously. Everyone was completely on board with going in and getting rid of the trash and it didn’t take long at all. Slim got in touch with the head of the mafia Antonio belonged to and he didn’t even know they were in Cedar Bay or what they were doing. He gave us the go ahead to take out the trash and promised there would be no blow back from getting rid of them. In fact, he gave Slim a marker for any help we might need in the future. No one else does that shit because they’d rather deal with their problem on their own. Anyway, we cleaned up the town and that’s when I dropped the next bomb. I could no longer stay in Benton Falls. Slim gave me permission to start a new chapter of the club as long as I did the research necessary to start the club close to Cedar Bay. There’s so much more that goes into something like that.
