Chapter Sixteen
The world is not going to be the same again, Alex thought. Nursing the electric sensation that had still gripped his body. He had felt like he was walking on the cloud from the minute he left Caroline’s apartment. The brief encounter, the tantalizingly heartwarming moment he shared with her, has completely shattered every expectation he had for his life. The world was never the same looking at her from a distance and playing the older brother when he secretly hoped she had some feelings for him.
Now that he knew for a fact his obsession about her was reciprocated in spades, all he can think about was her. He imagined there would soon be another opportunity when the two of them would come together and pick up where they left off.
Alex was happy he wasn’t at the central office. Being the senior staff member of the traveling group with the Senator, he could skid by without getting anyone’s attention. He quickly decided, upon getting back at the hotel and jerking off to Caroline’s selfie, with her lips curled so as to form folding layers of deliciousness that left their indelible marks on him, and her eyes peering directly into the camera, the same way she looked at him in the moments when he was brave enough to open his and look at her…
That same picture he had kept hidden in his phone, now came handy to relieve the pain he was feeling in his groin. He hated jerking off, in general, preferring to let nature take its own course, or the on again off again girlfriend he has had for a while now.
Casey is a staffer for another senator who uses Alex for her own stress relief. Discovering that he is unusually discrete about their encounters and always compliant, it had done wonders to her stress level. When he crashed on the bed, feeling guilty and ashamed of himself, he realized all he was to Casey was a fuck-buddy. She had never looked at him the way Caroline looked into his eyes. She had never kissed him as softly while gently massaging his body. She had never held his cock with her hands, with tenderness and care. It was always a less than five minutes affair. Too busy to make it mean anything.
Up until that moment, the Casey arrangement suited his interest. In his mind, now that Caroline had given him the approval to cross the line, all he needed to figure out was how he will keep his job while indulging in this forbidden affair. Would the Senator ever be okay with it? He wondered. Before he could get to that, he needed to address the issue of Alyson’s death. He was already behind on his investigation.
It was as if the clarity of his stance with Caroline had given him a new found efficiency. In rapid succession, he made three important calls. He had already covered the hospital. What happened to Alyson was clear enough. In his mind, an outline of the events leading up to that fateful moment was forming. A graduation party gone wrong. Maybe a little too much drinking and a few other controlled substances. The toxicology report clearly indicated as much.
Somehow Caroline got swept up in the mess. He now recognized he should have been more vigilant. To protect and defend her. The police still had no leads. Physical evidence gathered from the site didn’t lead to any conclusions. The picture painted by everything the police knew was it was a wild orgy gone horribly wrong. As far as he could tell from all his sources, he had nothing to fear about. He concluded the Senator would be reassured to know that his daughter was safe.
The lingering problem, one that didn’t seem to connect with all the assumptions he had been making was the issue of Caroline’s willful disappearance from time to time. It was within the parameters of protecting her anonymity and allowing her to lead a normal life, as the Senator demanded. Had he known she had feelings for him, he could have at least insisted on doing more. It wasn’t too late. The lucky thing was she came out of this situation unharmed. She was ready for her graduation. He couldn’t believe his luck he could spend any kind of private moment with her.
Looking through the double-paned glass window, down to the street level where busy traffic was skidding by, Alex was tempted to call Caroline. He couldn’t be sure what the new status in their relationship entitled him to. Could he text and call her randomly to check on her? Would that be too suggestive and unseemly? He decided the best thing to do was not say anything. She had a graduation to prepare for. He would see her the next day anyway. He wondered how she would react to seeing him in the presence of the Senator. But if he didn’t say or do anything, would she take that as a sign of disinterest? How could he make sure they had a mutual understanding without scaring her off and coming across as too clingy?
“Congratulations again, Caroline! I can’t tell you how proud I am. Here’s to a bright future ahead.”
He agonized for the better part of thirty minutes before be decided on the message. Three sentences. Three distinct messages. Nothing too suggestive or obvious. It was the kind of message he might have sent her in the old days, before that very afternoon.
The little twist was the wish he tucked at the end. Here’s to a bright future ahead. It was the kind of message that left a little wiggle room. On the one hand, Caroline had a bright future ahead of her graduation from college. The double meaning which he hoped she would get was about his fervent hope of a bright future that includes both of them.
The years of experience spinning messages for a political cause had sharpened his faculty. The truth of the matter was he had nothing to spin here. He was desperately and achingly in love with Caroline McKenzie. That was the real truth. That fact loomed above all other facts of life. The long-simmering volcano that has suddenly sprang to life. He knew he couldn’t stop it now. His mind sprang immediately to his imagined bright future. What if the Senator disapproves? What if he gets fired from his job? Then what? Would Caroline still be interested in him if he was a nobody with no prospect of affluence in the future?
In much the same way as his love for Caroline suddenly consumed him, he realized he was in a weak position. All his livelihood and significance was attached to the Senator. If the Senator cut him loose, he would have nothing. As if stricken by lightning, his attention was drawn to the television. It was running a promotional segment announcing upcoming shows on the same channel. He looked at the broad and smiley face of Nancy Smith drawing her audience to her. The same Nancy Smith he had seen in the hotel completely naked.
His life was never going to be the same again, he realized in that same instant. He wasn’t nothing. Alex Cochran knew a great deal. Secrets. Affairs. Indiscretions. All of which, he imagined, would have value on the open market. Would he ever resort to that if it came down to it? Would he be willing to betray the Senator who had done so much for him? The third moment of clarity struck him. Yes, he would do anything for his love. He would do anything for Caroline.
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