Page 28 of The Swap Masquerade
I’d held him for a long time, enjoying the sound of his breathing and the feel of his heart beating in time with mine. Finally, I’d been forced to get up so I could clean us before the come dried fully on our skin. I knew it would be a bitch to get it out of his chest hair once it dried. I’d quickly grabbed a warm, wet washcloth from the bathroom and sat next to him on the bed, gently discarding the condom and wiping him clean. I’d liked taking care of him, especially after he’d taken such good care of me.
He’d been sleeping so peacefully that I hadn’t had the heart to wake him. Instead, I’d climbed back in beside him. He’d turned on his side, with his back to me, but he must have felt my presence because he scooted back, snuggling in close to me. With my heart in my throat, I’d curled around him, feeling strangely protective of him. I’d kissed the back of his neck, breathing him in as I drifted off to sleep.
When I’d woken, it was morning, and I was alone. My mask was laying on the bed, having slipped off while I’d been sleeping, and I wondered if that was before or after Tyrion left. I’d slipped it back on and stayed there a while, thinking maybe he’d gone out to grab us some breakfast, but the minutes had ticked by, turning into an hour, then two. Finally, I’d had to face the truth: he wasn’t coming back. Of course, I should have expected it. As intimate as the night before had been, we both still had our secrets. Maybe he’d been afraid of revealing too much if he stayed, I’d thought. Then I’d remembered that we’d agreed to see each other again and a smile had come to my face. I’d pulled on my rumpled clothes and made my way down to the lobby, wondering if everyone around me could tell I was doing the walk of shame.
Only I wasn’t ashamed. Not at all. That night had been the most honest I’d ever allowed myself to be, with myself or anyone else. For the very first time, I had been given a glimpse of what it would be like to be out as a gay man, and it was more than I’d ever hoped for. It was single-handedly the best night of my life. I couldn’t wait to see Tyrion again, to talk with him and hear his laugh, to try more things with him and discover all the ways I could make him come. It wasn’t until I was in my car, halfway home that I realized I’d left my mask on the bed.
I’d tried texting him to see when he wanted to get together again, but I didn’t hear anything back. I gave it a couple of days, thinking he might simply be busy with whatever his job was, but when my second text got no response either, I started to get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. With a third text still unanswered, I realized that he must have changed his mind about seeing me again. But why?
I’d spent the rest of the week obsessing over what I might have done to upset him and trying to ignore the little voice inside my head that told me he’d been using me. I didn’t want to think that about him, especially after he’d been so kind to me, but the doubts continued to swirl, making me crazy and distracting me from what I should be focusing on, like my classes and baseball.
“So, get your heads outta your asses and back in the game! You got it? We’ve only got a few more games and we’re undefeated. Let’s see this thing through to the end and win us another championship,” Coach Reynolds shouted. The rest of my teammates cheered, clearly invigorated by the speech he’d given. Of course, my head had been elsewhere, and I’d missed most of what he’d said.
Finished with his pep talk, he released us so we could shower and get back on the bus. Luckily, we were only a few hours from home, so I’d be able to sleep in my own bed. I showered quickly then got dressed and gathered my things out of the locker, checking my phone one more time. Still nothing. I hurried to the bus, choosing a seat near the back. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, so I shoved my AirPods in my ears and closed my eyes, hoping my teammates would think I was sleeping and leave me alone.
* * *
It was late by the time the bus pulled into town. Dad had called me on the way home and left a voicemail wanting to know how the game went, but I knew if I told him how badly I’d played, he’d end up tell me basically the same thing Coach had, which was to get my head out of my ass. I’d already made up my mind that I wouldn’t call him back that night. I simply didn’t have the energy for another so-called pep talk from him.
A few of the guys were planning to hit the bars and celebrate our win, but I waved them off, telling them I needed to get some sleep. As the excuse poured out of my mouth, I realized it wasn’t exactly a lie. I hadn’t slept well since that night in the hotel. Instead, I’d spent each night tossing and turning, my mind refusing to shut up long enough for me to get any rest.
Only I hadn’t only been worrying about what was going on with Tyrion. My thoughts often turned to Professor Holt too. Gavin, I reminded myself. I liked him a lot and had opened up to him, pouring out the truth about my father and the way I felt about baseball. He’d listened quietly, never once passing judgement or acting like I was crazy for not wanting to play ball. For the first time, I felt like I was truly understood. I’d felt a true connection with him, and I was pretty sure he’d felt it too because he’d even allowed me to call him by his first name when it was just the two of us.
But the last few times I’d seen him, he’d acted strange, like he barely knew me at all. He’d brushed over my comments in class when I tried contributing to the conversation, and when I’d seen him out on the quad in between classes, he’d made up some lame excuse about needing to get some coffee and then rushed off. It was like the guy couldn’t get away from me fast enough.
It was confusing and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it had hurt my feelings. Not that I’d expected any sort of special treatment once we became friends, but I never expected him to avoid me like I had the plague either. I’d tried telling myself that maybe his change in behavior had nothing to do with me. Maybe he was simply under a lot of stress with the end of the semester approaching. Or he could have something going on in his personal life that was bothering him. If that was the case, then I wanted to be there for him the way he’d been there for me. I’d planned on talking to him at Habitat the day before, but he’d never shown up to work.
Between being ghosted by the man I’d slept with, my new friend acting weird around me, and my dad getting on my case, I was exhausted, both physically and mentally. My stomach grumbled as I climbed in my car, reminding me I hadn’t eaten anything since noon. The team had stopped at a truck stop along the interstate on the way home, but my stomach had been too tied up in knots at that point to eat anything. But now, with the day finally at an end and the comforting promise of home a few miles away, I decided to stop and get a pizza and a case of beer. I usually didn’t drink when I had class the next day, but after the shitty week I’d had, I figured I deserved it.
Thirty minutes later, I unlocked the door to my apartment and went inside. I was surprised to see Adam still awake and sitting on the couch. He was wearing a pair of boxers and an old threadbare t-shirt and his hair was sticking up all over the place. “What are you doing up? I figured you’d be passed out by the time I got home.”
He shrugged a shoulder. “Couldn’t sleep so I decided to watch a movie. Rachel’s mom had surgery on her foot, so Rachel’s staying there to help out for a few days. The bed feels weird without her in it, like there’s too much space or something.”
“Awww. You miss her, don’t you,” I crooned, making obnoxious kissy noises.
“Shut up, man.” Adam scowled at me but there was no real heat behind it. He also knew there was no use denying it. I was right and we both knew it. He was gone for that girl, plain and simple.
I laughed and handed him the pizza. Settling down beside him on the couch, I plopped my feet onto the coffee table and crossed my ankles, then popped open a beer and handed it to him before getting one for myself. “What are you watching?”
“Some awful movie with flying piranhas that eat people.” He opened the pizza box and helped himself to a slice before handing it over to me. We didn’t bother with any plates or napkins. Between the two of us, the pizza would probably be gone in a matter of minutes anyway.
“If it’s so terrible then why are you watching it?’ I asked around a mouthful of food.
He eyed me as if I were nuts. “Have you ever tried watching TV late at night? There is literally never anything good on. It was either this, an old black and white movie, or the shopping channel my nana gets all of her Christmas presents from.”
“Oh, yeah. Whatever happened to that little gadget she bought you that was supposed to help you put socks on your feet without having to bend down?”
Adam chuckled. “Probably shoved in the back of my closet, along with the air purifier, the nose hair trimmers, and the cartoon character chia pets.”
“Ah, gotta love Nana.” I stretched my arms above my head as I yawned, wincing at the tightness in my shoulders and back. It was quiet for several minutes as we ate and watched the movie. It really was horrible. I scoffed as a guy in a wetsuit laid down on the beach and started bicycle-kicking the piranhas as they flew out of the water. “I don’t know, man. Nana’s television choice might be better than this crap.”
He laughed as we both reached for a second slice of pizza. “How’d the game go? Did you guys win?”
“Barely. We played like crap, especially me. The score was tied going into the bottom of the ninth but then Brett managed to seal the deal for us at the last second. Thank God because I would have felt even worse if they’d lost because of me.”
Adam cocked his head at me. “First of all, you can’t lose because of one person, so if you guys had lost, the blame wouldn’t have only been on your shoulders. You’re a team. You win together, you lose together.”
I snorted. “You sound like Coach Reynolds.”
