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Isaac and I didn’t get any sleep at all. We stayed up the entire night, talking and catching up on all the things we’d missed over the years. Some of it was good, and some of it was painful, but it was all necessary in bringing us back together.
Isaac told me how even with his friends at Agape House, the LGBTQ youth center he’d found after he’d run that night, he still felt alone, like a part of him was missing without me there. I admitted to him how I cried myself to sleep nearly every night that first year and how I’d changed my name to Zach because it had hurt too much to be Zane anymore.
He talked about the work he did at the center and how the kids there had changed his life for the better. I told him all about Edith and Bradbury Lake. He cried when I talked about how I would float on the lake each morning, looking at his star.
Isaac told me the story of how he fell in love with Hudson and Matt. I smiled when I saw the dreamy look in his eyes every time he mentioned his husbands. They sounded like incredible men and I couldn’t wait to get to know them better. The fact that I not only had my brother back but had also gained two brothers-in-law was amazing to me. I had a family again, but this time, it was a family that loved and supported each other.
Quietly, Isaac had asked if there was anyone special in my life. I told him how I’d never let anyone get close until I met Jeremy. He wanted to know all about how we’d met and how I felt about him. I told him about our time working together and how our friendship had quickly developed into more. Isaac swooned when I told him about our first date and I laughed at my little brother, teasing him for being such a romantic.
Hudson and Matt woke once the sun started to come up and they wandered out to the living room, holding hands. They smiled when they saw me and Isaac, huddled on the couch together, pouring over the pages of their wedding album. I smiled as they each took turns giving my brother a good morning kiss, but then I’d turned away, feeling like I was intruding when Matt whispered to Isaac how much they’d missed him in their bed the night before. Once we were alone again, I turned to my brother, raising my eyebrows at him.
“I still can’t believe that not only did I not know you were gay, but you’re married to two extremely hot men. Way to go little brother,” I said, pride evident in my tone.
Isaac’s face turned red, but he grinned at me. “Go big or go home, right?” he joked.
“You’ve got that right.” I bumped his shoulder and we both started laughing.
Hudson started cooking breakfast, so we moved into the kitchen. I was intrigued by the dynamic of their relationship. I’d never seen any two people, much less three, that were more in sync with each other. They moved around the kitchen, sharing sweet kisses and casual touches whenever they passed by each other.
Their connection was seamless, as if they were one unit instead of three. I stared down at the cup of coffee that Matt had handed to me. I had a connection like that with Jeremy. He had reached deep inside me to a place that no one else had ever been, not even my brother.
Isaac and I had always worked as a team, watching out for each other and working hard to save money so we could escape. But I’d also felt the responsibility that came with being the older brother. It was my job to protect him and to be strong for him. I ended up hiding a lot of my fears from him because I didn’t want him to lose hope and I’d taken the brunt of a lot of the beatings. I wouldn’t change any of it and I’d do it all over again if I needed to. It was a willing burden I’d carried, but it was also an added burden.
With Jeremy, I didn’t have to always be the strong one, I could just be me. And for whatever reason, he loved me exactly how I was, despite all my flaws. He’d messed up and he’d ended up hurting me, but the day before had proven that his love for me was real and my heart ached with how much I missed him.
“Hey, you okay?” Isaac asked gently. I looked up and blushed when I saw all three men staring at me with matching looks of concern.
“Yeah, sorry. I must have spaced out for a minute,” I said.
“Missing Jeremy?” Isaac gave me a sympathetic look as he slid into the seat next to me.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know what’s going to happen between the two of us,” I admitted.
“Why?” he asked sadly.
“Because I trusted him, and he lied to me. He lied by not telling me what his real reason for being at the lake was. I shared with him the deepest, darkest parts of my soul, and the whole time, he had an ulterior motive. I understand why he did it and now that I’m back with you, I’m so grateful, but a part of me feels like I don’t really know who he is,” I explained.
“What does your heart tell you? Forget that he didn’t tell you why he was there, because now you know why he did it. What is your heart telling you about the type of man Jeremy really is? Because it’s what’s in here that matters,” Isaac said, pointing a finger at my chest.
The movement reminded me of when Jeremy had laid his hand on my chest the night I’d discovered the file. He’d told me that he fell in love with the man I was inside, and wasn’t that what I’d done with him? I’d fallen head over heels for the man who was thoughtful enough to bring me breakfast every day before work because he knew I wouldn’t have made anything for myself and he didn’t want me to be hungry.
I’d fallen for the man who would apologize profusely to the worm as he baited the hook. I fell in love with the man who could make me laugh then just as quickly, make me feel as if my body was on fire. I fell in love with Jeremy the man, not his job or where he lived. I fell in love with him.
I shook my head, embarrassed. “I was stupid, wasn’t I?”
“It’s never stupid to get upset when someone hurts you, Zane. It’s only stupid if you let those feelings ruin the best thing that ever happened to you,” Isaac responded.
“How did my little brother get to be so wise?” I teased. Isaac smiled as he looked over at his husbands and then turned back to me and laid his hand on top of mine.
“I surrounded myself with the most selfless, caring and trustworthy men. They taught me to appreciate the good in others and that it was okay to finally let my guard down and let go of the past. I have the love of two men and I finally have my big brother back in my life. My heart is so full, that there’s no more room for anything but love,” Isaac said.
I leaned over and hugged him with a smile. He was absolutely right. So much of my life had been filled with fear and doubt and sadness, but I had been given the opportunity for a fresh start. I’d been blessed with the miracle of getting my brother back and I was deeply, madly in love with the man who had made it all happen. I may not have liked how he went about it, but I believed that Jeremy’s heart had been in the right place.
We enjoyed a delicious breakfast of pancakes, eggs, and bacon as we talked. I discovered that Hudson was a licensed therapist who had his own practice, but also volunteered his services several nights a week to help the kids at Agape House. He and Isaac and Matt spoke very passionately about the work they were doing at the center and I couldn’t wait to go see it.
After breakfast, Matt cleaned up the dishes while Hudson left for his office and Isaac and I took showers and got ready for the day. Despite having not slept the night before, I felt more energized and refreshed than ever. I suppose it had a lot to do with having Isaac back in my life. Losing him had left a hole in my heart that I had felt every day for seven years. Finding that he was actually alive and very happy had filled that hole, making me nearly whole again. The only part that still needed to mend was the hole I’d stubbornly placed there when I turned Jeremy away.
Once we had finished getting ready, I rode with Matt and Isaac to Agape House. When they’d told me about the center, I’d pictured a small operation, serving maybe fifty kids. I was wrong. Agape House was situated in an enormous warehouse which had been fully updated and remodeled by some of Matt, Isaac, and Hudson’s closest friends.
