Chapter Twenty-Four
“Hey, Cami,” Ryan teasesme as we cross the border into the Yukon. “I thought you didn’t like breaking the law. How come you’re okay with illegal immigration?”
“We don’t pay taxes, either,” I point out. “I’ve made my peace with certain aspects of your delinquent lifestyle.”
Ryan laughs appreciatively.
“We’ll be paying taxes soon enough,” Jack points out. “They’ll be deducted from my paycheck, just like anyone else.”
“I still can’t believe you’re taking a job,” Ryan says. The word sounds strange coming out of his mouth, as if he’s never uttered it before and isn’t quite sure of its meaning.
“Cami was right,” Jack says. “We can’t support a family on money stolen from convenience stores. The holdups would have had to get bigger and more frequent, and that would have put us all at risk. Better to bring home an honest living, at least for now.”
“Yeah, but a job.” Ryan shakes his head wonderingly. “It’s so human.”
“Oh, calm down,” Luka snorts. “It’s not like you have to do it.”
The four of us have been pushing our bikes for the last mile or so over excessively rough terrain so that we can cross the border in the woods and avoid any potential roadblocks. Jack is legally a Canadian citizen—he was born here—so working won’t be any problem for him, and Luka is a citizen too, but Ryan and I are both natives of the United States. All we’re planning to do in the Yukon is stake out a cave and make it home, but it would be hard to explain that to any border guards, so we’ve decided it’s best to sneak around.
Gainful employment was just one of our reasons for leaving. After the fight with the wolves, the whole area smelled like dog and death. It made me feel sick to my stomach all the time. The others swore I was overreacting, and that they could hardly smell anything, and Luka pointed out that any lingering smell would certainly be gone with the next rain, but the rain came and went, and I could still detect the awful odor. Maybe it was psychosomatic, or maybe my pregnancy was just giving me increased perception somehow, but whatever the cause, I spent the better part of three days hunched over a bucket and heaving before Jack declared that this wasn’t getting better and we needed to move on.
There was no argument. My worst fear—that the others might be angry with me for bringing the wolves into our lives—has not come true. In fact, the men of my clan have been so over the top in their adoration and generosity since discovering that I’m pregnant that it makes me feel like royalty. All I have to do is ask for something and it’s instantly mine. I’m trying very hard not to abuse that power, especially given the fact that we’re all literally moving to a new country to make me more comfortable.
We continue on foot until we’re about five miles over the border, by which time, the sun is high in the sky. Jack calls a halt beside a wide, fast moving river. He and Ryan entertain themselves by wading into the water and trying to catch fish bare handed, without shifting first—of course, coming up empty-handed each time—while Luka and I watch from the bank and share peanut butter from a jar. Peanut butter we paid for with money we earned repairing people’s bikes and cars on the road as we traveled East.
“How much farther is it?” I ask Luka, watching as Ryan crows in delight, having just pulled a fish out of the water. “To the area where Jack’s new job is, I mean? I assume we’re going to want to live somewhere close by?”
Luka shrugs. “Probably. Not that Jack will mind running a few miles in the woods each day. It’ll probably help him, actually. No matter what he says, I know he’s a little hesitant to have one foot back in the human world this fully. If he can spend a few hours before and after work as a bear, it’ll help him stay centered.”
I feel my cheeks grow hot. “I do feel bad about that,” I mumble. It’s because of me that they can’t keep living the life they’ve all loved for so long. I’m the one who can’t tolerate it. And even though I’m glad and so relieved that this change is happening, I feel guilty too.
But Luka shakes his head. “It was time for us to make a change,” he says. “Now that we’re going to be parents—now that we’re going to have a younger generation—we need to start thinking about the Hell’s Bears as an organization with a future. What we were doing was fun, but it wasn’t sustainable. If even one member of the clan has a legitimate job with income, well, that’s enough to fill in the gaps when we can’t provide for ourselves by living off the land. That’s a way of life we can pass down to our children.”
I nod, thinking about those children. Even though I’m not sure, I imagine when I look down, that I can see my belly beginning to swell. I wonder how many there are, and how big I’ll get before this is over. The idea doesn’t frighten me. It’s exciting. I’m eager to see what my body is capable of and to do the thing only I can do for our clan.
Ryan ducks into the woods to clean his fish, knowing that the sight bothers me even more now that I’m pregnant. Jack returns to shore with the water skin and passes it around, encouraging us to drink as much as we can. “If we empty it now,” he says, “we can refill it before we leave.”
When we’ve finished our lunch, had as much water as we can hold, and refilled our water skin, we wheel our bikes out onto the highway. There’s not a car to be seen on this stretch, which is good—four motorcycles emerging near the border might strike someone as suspicious, even if they weren’t on the lookout for immigrants. We mount our bikes. Jack takes the lead and Ryan brings up the rear. In between them, Luka and I ride side by side. All that remains now is to find a new home, a cave we can make our own, someplace safe, with access to plenty of natural resources. Someplace for our babies to be born and grow up.
We find it only a few hours later. I’m relieved to be off my bike. Even though riding feels as freeing and fun as it ever did, it makes me more nervous these days. I need to be careful, protect the precious cargo I’m carrying. Jack read me the riot act after finding out I allowed myself to be bait for the wolves while I was pregnant, and he was right to do it. But that, I can’t help but think, was different. That was about protecting the family, keeping us whole. Riding a motorcycle is more of a luxury. If it wasn’t the only sensible way to get into Canada, I wouldn’t have done it. I won’t be doing it again, I know that for sure. Until the babies are born, I plan to stay safely inside, doing nothing more strenuous than a little yoga.
The cave turns out to be airy and hospitable, much more like the original home of the Hell’s Bears when I found them than the cavern we left behind a few days ago. Its wide mouth, looking out on the woods, is a relief after the confines of our old home. No matter how spacious that cave may have been, it always felt a little oppressive to be so deep inside a mountain, so far below the surface. Stepping out into the sunlight now is easy. No matter how pregnant I get, I’ll be able to feel sun and wind on my face. Ryan sets about hanging a tarp to protect us from the elements, but as soon as it’s in place, he ties it back with a length of twine. Luka builds the fire.
For the first time since finding a home with the Bears, I don’t bother creating a private corner. It’s hard to imagine bonds closer than the ones I share with these men, and I no longer feel the need to conceal anything from them. I don’t need a place to hide. The feeling is wonderful, freeing. So many times since I’ve joined the clan, I’ve thought to myself, now I am finally one of them. But today, the final barrier has truly fallen away. There will be no more walls between us.
Jack does take the time to make me a nest of my own. I don’t plan on using it anytime soon, though. I’ll save it. It’ll be fresh, ready to use when the babies come. When our family grows from four to...who knows how many we’ll be.
We left our fresh food behind—we’ve got enough packaged things to last a few days—but Ryan goes out hunting anyway, citing a need to stretch his legs after several days confined to the den to recuperate from his fight with the wolves. He returns after a surprisingly short period with a rabbit in each hand and a pleased look on his face. “Fresh meat tonight,” he crows triumphantly.
I don’t want to stay in the cave while dinner is prepared, so I step out for a walk. After a few moments, Jack joins me. “You don’t have to come,” I tell him. “I won’t go far. I promise. I just want to get the lay of the land.”
“I’ll go back if you want me to,” he agrees. “But do you mind? You and I never spend that much time together.”
I’m surprised—pleased—by his words. “All right.”
He falls in step with me. “Cami, things have changed since you’ve joined us. Some things you’re aware of, of course, but others you might not be. We’ve grown...more civilized. We talk more. Before you joined the clan, whole days would pass when we didn’t speak to each other at all.”
“Really? Not even Luka?”
He laughs lightly. “Luka will probably always be the most personable, but it takes two people to have a conversation. I know it was something that frustrated him, but that sort of thing never came as naturally to Ryan or to me. We talk about living away from people to get in touch with our animal side, but I think the truth is that, for the two of us, the animal has always been dominant. We’re bears first and men second. But since you came along, you’ve brought things into balance.”
“You’ve done that for me too,” I tell him. “Being a shifter, before I met you, was almost like a party trick. I lived with a clan, but they were more like roommates. I was their omega, but that was more like being a little sister than anything else. With you, I feel...powerful. Important.”
“And you are,” he nods solemnly.
We emerge into a clearing, both of us pondering what’s been said, as the sun sinks low over the horizon. I know Jack is telling me the truth. As long as I’m with the Hell’s Bears, I have a role to play. I’m not just the omega, the one who can’t be trusted, can’t be confided in. I’m the mother bear. I’m strong. I am truly an equal member of the clan.
He stops short and grabs my hand. “Cami. Look.”
Before us, in the center of the clearing, is a beautiful tree full of ripe oranges.
