Page 32 of Until Forever
“Why?”
“My dad. He used to work for her uncle Asher at the construction company but got himself fired. And you know how bitter he is. He took it personally and stopped me from seeing them. I wouldn’t be surprised if she forgot about me,” he defends her.
“You’re probably right. She wouldn’t purposely keep something like that a secret.”
I pick up my fork and steal a piece of Jas’s cheesecake, and he doesn’t seem to mind.
“You said until recently he’s never asked about me. What changed?”
“Honestly I don’t know. JJ’s always been fine, but two months ago, I sent him to a sleepover with a few of his friends. It wasn’t the first time he’s been away overnight, but something happened because the kid’s mom called in the middle of the night telling me that JJ was upset and asking for me. When we got home, he ran to his room and wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. The next day, all he said was he missed me. Then a few weeks ago they announced the game, and he’s been spiraling ever since; acting out, getting in trouble in school, not cooperating in the mornings. And the other night, for the first time ever, he asked me why he didn’t have a daddy like all his friends.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I didn’t really know what to say to him. He’d never been curious in the past, and I do everything in my power so that he doesn’t feel as if he’s missing out on anything.”
“That’s why you got so weird when he asked me to help him practice?”
“Yes, because he has no idea you’re his father. At least I don’t think so. He’s a smart kid, but I highly doubt he knows who you are to him. But anytime I try to talk to him, he shuts down.”
I look away while rubbing my palms on the front of my jeans. Tears sting my eyes, blurring my vision in the process. Jas is a gentleman about it, allowing me to have this moment to gather myself. He leans forward, with his hands facing up, silently waiting for me to get the hint. I rest mine in his and release the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.
“He won’t talk to me about it, and I’m not really sure how to help him. I’m his mom and I should be strong enough to get to the bottom of it, but he’s seven. How do you explain something like that? JJ should be worried about what to build next with his Lego set or how many new action figures to add to his Christmas list. Not why he doesn’t have a father.”
Jasper’s face sinks, and I realize the weight of my words. It’s not my intention to hurt him or make him feel like shit, but it’s the truth—our truth. It’s what we have, and I can’t change that.
“I—” I pause to sigh. “I’m not trying to be a bitch or make you think I hate you. But I can’t make the outcome different from what it is. I wish this wasn’t the case, but…” I shrug.
“Would it be so bad if I helped him practice? Because, Latoya, I’d love nothing more than to be in his life.”
“Why are you so on board with this?”
He frowns.
“I mean, you haven’t even asked me if he’s yours or asked for a paternity test. You’re just going with it.”
He stares at me as if he can’t believe I would ask him that. “You forget how well I know you. Which is enough to know that if he wasn’t mine, we wouldn’t be sitting here right now. But also, because he’s literally my twin, his eyes alone give it away.”
I move my head in quick jerks then take another gulp of water.
“And I did the math. He’s seven, and I left you eight years ago. But more importantly, you gave him my name. Why is that?”
Pinching my lips together, I drop my chin to my chest and inhale. “I thought you’d be back. I didn’t expect it to be eight years later, but I don’t know. Maybe I was hopeful and knew how much you’d wanted your son to have your name.”
“It’s the only thing that truly belongs to you,” we say in unison, reminiscing over past conversations.
The first time he said that to me, I didn’t get it. It wasn’t until I met his father and saw the way he was raised that it made sense to me. In a world where nearly everything you own is materialistic and can be taken from you in the blink of an eye, all you really have is the name you were born with. Hell, in most cases, your life isn’t even your own but what those around you make it to be.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “If I’d known you were pregnant, I never would have left you alone.”
“Right. Because every girl wants the man she’s in love with to stay because he knocked her up.”
“You know that’s not what I meant. I just want to know him.” He leans forward and rests his elbows on the table. “And I need you to know that I never would have left him. I’m not my father, my kid will never have to question whether or not I love him.”
“I know, Jas,” I respond, because I do.
He may have skipped out on me, but he never would have done it willingly to JJ. And though I realize that, I still need to tread cautiously.
“I don’t doubt that you’ll love him. But I have to be careful. His happiness is everything to me. So I can’t have him falling in love with you and then you leave him.”
