Page 131 of When Hearts Collide
I swipe to another photo, this one of Ryland sleeping, a thick lock of dark hair covering his eye. The lines of his face softened; his lips curved into a small smile. He looked so much younger then, like the weight of the world was temporarily lifted off his shoulders.
God, I’m so worried about him. Everything he cares about—his family’s reputation, the IPO, his dream of becoming a tenured professor—all up in smoke now.
He must be devastated.
I’m also angry at him. The boiling rage flares up at random moments in the day, invading the all-encompassing sadness. How dare he leave me after everything we’ve been through? How dare he leave me to deal with the fallout alone? How can he say he loves me but run away at the first sign of trouble?
I deserve more. I know I do.
Knowing him, he’s probably blaming himself for everything, even if I was the one to push him into this relationship, the person who stupidly thought I could best the system and defeat the odds like Mom and Dad did a long time ago. But still, we entered the relationship together and we should deal with the consequences together.
The breeze from the opened windows of the apartment sifts to my face, and I belatedly realize my cheeks are wet.
But I still miss you so much.
My heart is heavy, the organ barely eking out the life-sustaining thump in the widening hole in my chest. The last two weeks have been a dark blur, one where I’d move through life like a robot, trying to put on a brave face so others around me wouldn’t get worried.
I guess old habits die hard.
Ding dong.
Ignoring the doorbell, I stare at the clear blue skies outside our windows. A bright yellow bird flies by, singing a sweet song.
Ryland will know what bird this is.
Tears spring into my eyes again. Dammit. I swipe my cheeks, angry at myself again. I shouldn’t miss him so much—he has walked away from this so easily. Why can’t I do the same? Why won’t my heart listen?
Ding dong.
“Open up, Millie! Tay is with me. Belle told us before she went to the office for her meeting that you had nothing scheduled today. She’s on her way back now.”
Thump. Thump.
They’re knocking on the door now.
“Don’t make me pick the lock, because I know how!” Taylor yells.
Staggering to my feet, I smooth my hands over my wrinkled pajamas and eye the empty bags of gummy bears in front of me.
I ran out of my stash of happiness.
A sharp pain lances my insides. Whoever said heartbreak is a physical affliction is correct.
“Coming,” I holler before the girls really break down the door.
After fumbling with the lock, I open the door and Grace leaps across the threshold in a blur of white and wraps me in her arms. The backs of my eyes burn once more.
“We’re here, Millie. You aren’t alone.” She holds me tightly while I shudder against her. “Cry it out.”
“I’m going to ruin your sweater,” I wail.
“Screw the sweater! I’ll just get another one if it doesn’t wash out.”
“Aw, fuck.” Taylor joins the group hug. “You look as shitty as him.”
That got my attention. I pull back, not caring if tears and snot are all over my face.
The girls walk me back to the sofa and Grace gasps in apparent horror as she looks at the pigsty of snack wrappers and soda cans on the coffee table.
