Page 10 of Trash Talk
Chapter 7
Knox- 21 years old
I don’t know how Graham talked me into this again. He apparently wanted to impress his new girlfriend. Started spouting off shit about how I don’t get out enough. And she has a really nice friend he thinks I’d like. But really, he didn’t want to sit here bored out of his mind. Graham loves playing basketball, but watching it? Not so much. He broke his wrist after our sophomore season and it never healed quite right. He chose to end his run there, and now, he avoids Littlejohn Coliseum like the plague, unless he has a date to impress with courtside seats.
Being here makes me realize I haven’t been a spectator since high school; I spend what little free time I have in more constructive ways. The last game I went to when I didn’t play, Ruby had. I try not to follow her college career, but she’s so talented, her highlights are on every damn time I turn on the tv. And I get sucked in. I can’t stop watching until the segment’s over. And afterward my chest aches. It’s like fate wants to torture me. Show me everything I could’ve had, but for some unknown reason, don’t.
Between classes, practice and games, I can barely keep up with my own schedule, let alone anyone else’s. (Only five more weeks and then we’ll be in the home stretch, March Madness, baby.). I’m not sure who our girls are playing tonight. Guess I’ll find out in a minute. I just parked my truck and am heading toward the arena when I see Graham. He was vague on this evening’s details; said he had the tickets and dates; all I had to do was show up. He takes it upon himself (out of pity, of course— because I’m so busy during the season), to find suitable women for me (not that I need or want his help). Our versions of ‘suitable’ are clearly different, and I groan as I see the two girls draped on either side of him. Why do I keep letting him do this?
Graham walks up (sensing my fight or flight instinct is about to kick into high gear and nips it in the bud) with a tall, slim girl glued to his right side and a short, curvy girl on the other. The tall one has a bright purple streak in her blond hair and an orange paw print painted on her cheek. She’s wearing a short, tight orange tube dress thing. The short one with curly brown hair is in a matching purple number. Their ample chests are busting out of the stretchy material. If those tits are real, I’ll eat my fucking hat. “Knox, glad you could make it. This is Cheyenne.’ He says nodding at the blond, then dips his head toward the brunette. ‘And this is Whitney-Leigh.” Of course, it is.
“Hey Knox. It’s so good to finally meet you. Graham talks about you all the time. You had an amazing game the other night.” Cheyenne has a horrible case of toddler-voice and overexaggerated southern twang. How Graham can even stand listening to her, is beyond me. She must be great at activities that don’t require speaking.
“Hey, thanks. Nice to meet you too.”
Whitney-Leigh takes the opportunity to trade Graham’s arm for mine. She has trouble gripping it because her hands are tiny, and my guns are huge. She’s grasping at me as she giggles, “Wow. You’re so strong, Knox. I mean, you must work out all the time.” Her voice is an almost carbon copy of her friends, and I’m already getting a headache thinking about listening to it for hours.
“Umm, yeah. I guess. We work out as a team in the morning, but I usually try to get a second one in the evening as well.”
One of her hands is on my bicep, but the other has slowly made its way down to my ass. “I bet. Maybe you can take me through some reps later,” she says with a wink and a squeeze. Jesus! Where did he find these girls?
“Let’s go get our seats then we can grab a couple things from concessions.” Graham saves me from an awkward refusal and guides us inside.
My eyes find the court and take in the familiar sights, smells and sounds. It’s odd being in the stands when I’m used to being down there. I return my focus to finding our seats. I’m ushering my date around a guy with extremely long legs and zero sense of self-awareness when I hear it. A husky laugh I haven’t heard in years. I can’t believe Graham would do me like this. Before I can turn around and get the fuck out of here, he blocks my path.
Under his breath he adds, “dude, I know you wanna kill me right now, but at least wait ‘til the night’s over. I knew you wouldn’t come if you knew.”
He’s fucking right. I wouldn’t have. I spare another glance at the girl I’ve been hung up on for years now. Graham knows how hung up on her I still am. Don’t get me wrong. I haven’t been a fucking monk; I get my needs met. College ballers are like catnip to sorority girls. I’ve just never been interested in pursuing a relationship with any of them. Not when Ruby is still taking up some serious real estate in my head (and my heart). This is the first time I’ve seen her in person in years. Does she see me? I used to be able to draw her eye, even in a crowded room. Will she finally talk to me? She made it clear she wants nothing to do with me. But I can’t let her go, not until she tells me what the fuck happened that summer.
“C’mon man. Cheyenne’s double jointed and I am stoked about trying some new shit with her. Let me at least die a happy man.” His joke hits its mark and lightens my mood, barely. Then he ruins it by continuing to talk. “And it’ll do you some good to see her. Maybe it’ll help you move on.” If I didn’t love him like a brother, I’d punch him in his pretty boy face. He may be well intentioned, but he didn’t have to blindside me like this. Hell, maybe he did. I never would’ve come had I known. But now I’m not leaving without talking to her.
My emotions have run the gamut: pissed, nervous, excited, out of control. I need to work out some of this energy, so I offer to make a snack run. I’m not good company right now. And the thought of watching Ruby while pretending to listen to Whitney while Graham abandons me to spend the entirety of the game with his tongue down Cheyenne’s throat, has me itchy. With my mental list of diet cokes, nachos and pretzels, I bide my time in the ridiculously long concession line by tossing around ideas on how to approach my long-lost best friend.
Lost in my thoughts, trudging along, I do a double take. An all too familiar redhead is walking toward me. She hasn’t seen me yet, and I’m debating whether or not I can crouch down and pretend to tie my shoe so I can hide behind the five-foot-nothing chick in front of me. Too late. She sees me. Oh shit, I thought she’d avoid me. Nope, this girl has balls.
“You’ve got some nerve showing your face here.”
Um, does she realize this is my house? “I go to school here, and I play ball here. What the hell are you doing here, Em? Clemson’s a four-and-a-half-hour drive from y’all.”
“Not anymore. I started here in January. Coastal cut their ag program,” she says shaking her palm to the side of her face. “That’s beside the point. Why are you here? At this game? If you’re trying to talk to Ruby, please don’t. Stay far, far away from her. She’s finally moving on. You’ve done enough damage.”
We’ve moved up a couple feet now and are gathering the attention from some of the people in line around us, so I lower my voice. “I’m sorry Em, but I really have no clue what I did. I tried to call her. Tried to talk to her. She just cut me out of her life. Like I never meant anything to her.”
“Like she meant anything to you? Boy, you had us fooled. You’re a player, Knox. You use girls. You’re out for what you can get, and don’t care who you hurt.”
Okay, now I’m pissed. I’ve had some casual sex, but every girl I’ve been with knows the score. I’ve never once led a girl on, and I sure as fuck never used Ruby. I would never hurt her. Emma has received some bad fucking information and I’m about to set her straight. “Look, I don’t know who’s been lying to you, but I would never hurt Ruby. She’s one of my best friends. What we have,” I don’t get to finish before she cuts me off.
“What you had is over. Deal with it. You haven’t spoken in years, obviously, you’re not besties anymore. Give it up Knox. And besides, no one lied to me about anything. We saw you. I can’t believe you’d do that to Ruby. After everything. You’re real a piece of work.”
“You saw me where? What did I do?” I have no idea what’s going on, but someone had better start looping me in.
She ignores me and puts in her order. I can’t let this go, so I put my hand on her arm to turn her around. She’s half facing me when I plead, “Please, Em. Talk to me.”
A look of pity crosses her face before she schools her expression, “we saw you at the EOS party. Brit was practically giving you a handy while making out with your face, not more than 36 hours after you took Ruby’s virginity.” Great, now everyone in earshot is listening intently to every word. This is going to be all over campus tomorrow if I don’t end this shitshow now. All this time, she thought I got back with my ex. I mean, in the past couple years we’ve hooked up a handful of times, but it was just to blow off some steam in the summer months. She was familiar, that’s all. We haven’t talked about getting back together since before college. The most insane part about all of it is if Ruby hadn’t cut me off without even giving me a chance to explain, I’d have been having sex with her this whole time. Because make no mistake, Ruby and I would still be together. We. Are. End game. That being said, I’m pissed.
“What you didn’t see was me pushing Brit off my lap. And you sure as shit didn’t stay long enough to hear me tell her we were over. I waited all night for y’all to show up to that damn party. Ruby broke my fucking heart when she dismissed me from her life like I was nothing.” All this time. All this pointless wasted fucking time. My heart is pounding, my throat closing up, my eyes burning. It feels like I’m about to… Nope! I WILL NOT fucking cry in front of all these people.
Emma looks shocked. Like she can’t believe what I just said. I’m about to walk away when a familiar voice booms behind me, “dude, I thought you left. What’s taking so fucking long?” He looks around me and his eyes fall on Em. Now it’s his turn to look shocked. “Emmy?”
“Hi Graham. Well, it was good catching up, Knox.” She hitches her thumb over her shoulder. “I gotta get in there,” then she turns and walks away. I can’t believe after all this time, I finally know. And it’s such bullshit. If she’d just talked to me, it could’ve been cleared up immediately. I am irrationally angry with Ruby. How could she think I’d do that?
“Hey. What’d she say? You okay?” I don’t know if I can shake this off. If I can stay and act human right now. I feel like screaming at the injustice of it all. Like yelling at Graham. Like yelling at her. How could she think I’d treat her that way? I fucking love her. But I can’t leave; I have to talk to her.
I help Graham gather our shit and walk back to our seats. I’m antsy. My eyes search her out. It’s still early; the game hasn’t started. The teams are warming up on the court. Where is she? I don’t see a short Greek girl in a white and turquoise jersey anywhere. Then I do. The taste of vomit has worked its way into my mouth, but I swallow it back down.
I close my eyes tight. I don’t want to see her anymore. Fuck, I thought my heart broke three years ago. Nope. It’s cracking right now. I can’t breathe. Some giant blond douche nozzle with frat boy clothes has both hands on her ass. My ass. He’s lifting her up, so he can kiss her. Those are my lips, mother fucker. God, what did Em say? That she’d finally moved on. I’m too fucking late. A lot of good a conversation with her will do me now. I’ve got to get the fuck out of here. I need air, and all of it’s been sucked out of the arena.
Graham must’ve witnessed what I just did. He grabs my arm, “shit, I’m sorry, Knox. I didn’t know dude.” I can’t even acknowledge him. I brush off his hand, get up, walk outside, and as soon as I’m clear of the doorway, I scream as loud as I can. Scaring the shit out of a happy little couple walking hand-in-hand inside. I don’t even apologize. Fuck them. They look so damn happy together. I want to yell at them to enjoy it while it lasts. Cause it’s gonna end. And when it does, it’s gonna hurt like hell. I can’t even look at them. I get in my truck, haul ass home, and throw on some workout clothes. I need to burn off this negative energy before I explode. Or kill someone. Namely, the douchey frat bro that had the audacity to touch something of mine. After I wear myself out, I’m gonna need a good stiff drink. Or ten. I can already tell, tomorrow is gonna suck huge donkey balls.
