Page 39 of Passing Notes
He let out a chuckle. “And I forgive you in advance for all if it. Five tequila shots are a lot for a lightweight like you.”
I spun to treat him to another of my signature glares over the top of the refrigerator door—this one was number three on my don’t fuck with me rotation. Snarly, with just a bit of teeth thrown in for good measure.
His return grin was as infuriating as it was hot.
I was both confused and turned on and now at a complete loss as to what to say to him because I, too, was now having fun. “You are aggravating me right now,” I finally muttered.
“Really? I couldn’t tell. It seems like bringing you food and pissing you off is the way to your heart. Not gonna lie, I’m totally into it.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, Nick.”
“Keep it up. None of this is a turnoff, heartbreaker.”
“You can’t call me that anymore. It makes me feel things I don’t want to feel. I’m a mess right now.”
“And?”
“I have turned into a difficult woman, Nick. Ask around, you’ll find out.”
“Why would I give a shit what anyone else thinks about you? I think you’re amazing. You’re sexy as hell, you make me laugh, but best of all you make me feel alive again. Fuck what anyone else says about you.”
I dropped into one of the chairs at the kitchen table. “Argh! I am damaged goods, okay? I carry baggage from so many different things that I am collapsing beneath the weight of it. I am not the same. I can’t be that girl you used to know. I am grown now, and I am fucking unhinged. I’m trying my best to keep my head above water, and I am not ready for this thing—whatever it is—with you.” Well, that ought to do it. After he turned tail and ran off, I could relax with this awesome-looking breakfast I was about to stuff my face with. Maybe I’d even keep the containers too. Payment for my pain and suffering.
“There’s something still between us and ready or not, it’s happening.”
I blinked. He was still here, and he was incensed.
Angry Nick was sexy. His broad chest heaved with determination, and his jaw was clenched tight. I’d never seen him mad at me before and it was even hotter than when he was cheerful and teasing me. Damn it.
“It doesn’t matter if we’re ready,” he insisted. “Me and you explode when we’re together, Clara. It’s out of control. You’re beyond any temptation I’ve ever felt in my entire life, and I don’t want it to stop. If you were honest with yourself, you’d admit you don’t want it to stop either.”
I threw my arms in the air. “It doesn’t matter what I want. I’m no good for you. I’m not in a healthy place right now. I just went through a breakup. I’m not ready to jump into anything new. Or old as the case may be, okay?”
“Did he break your heart?”
I thought for a minute. “Not really. I think I’ve been living with a broken heart ever since my father left. It never repaired itself. Maybe it never will.”
“Consider this—maybe I’m the one who’s supposed to heal it for you.”
I shook my head. “It’s been too long. This is too much for me...”
“I’ll drop it for now. I get it,” he conceded. “I promise I do, and we’ll talk everything out?—”
My head hit my arms on the table, and I shook my head. “Not ready for that,” I managed to mumble.
What I didn’t tell him was I didn’t even need to hear his explanation. It didn’t matter—why wouldn’t I forgive him for whatever it was that drove him away when we were both too young to know any better?
What I really wasn’t ready for was to be near him with no excuse to push him away.
How horrible did that make me?
He dropped into the seat across from me and rubbed comforting strokes over the top of my head. “I know, baby, shh...” The deep soothing quality in his voice hit me like a ton of bricks. “I won’t say a word until you’re ready to hear it. But listen, you don’t know me anymore, either. Please think about that. You have no idea how I felt when I lost you. Not one fucking clue about how much it broke me. I wasn’t a man back then, I was a stupid eighteen-year-old kid, just like you were.”
I hadn’t thought of that. Why?
How selfish was I?
He had feelings too, and here I was, trampling all over them, too lost in my own shit to listen to him.
