Page 90 of Imperfect Cadence
The grin that stretched across my face became so wide it threatened to split it in two. Up until this moment, I hadn’t realized the burden I’d been carrying, but as the boulder finally lifted from my shoulders, I felt as though I might float away.
I pulled Colt close, using his body as an anchor to ground me. He settled into my lap, throwing his arms around my neck and returning my smile with his own. Tears continued to well in our eyes, but it didn’t matter. We wiped them away, consumed by the joy of the moment, before surrendering to a passionate, all-consuming kiss. Our bodies intertwined, fingers tracing over each other’s skin. I couldn’t help but quietly laugh at the realization we’d just had the most pivotal conversation of our lives while fully naked, but I refused to feel any shame.
As we came together once again, it became clear we were still us. Colton and Grayson. Our love was unchanged, fierce and unyielding, and as we made love, our sweat slicked bodies colliding, the outside world ceased to exist.
Afterwards, we clung to each other, almost afraid that releasing our embrace would somehow break the spell. I buried my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his intoxicating scent, finding comfort in its familiarity, even after all this time. It might seem like I was being wilfully ignorant, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I was acutely aware of the challenges ahead, the tough decisions awaiting us, and the inevitable obstacles we would have to overcome. I wasn’t in denial that Colt’s reappearance in my life would suddenly alter my brain chemistry—I was depressed, and I still needed help. But now, I had even more to fight for. I was done pushing him away and pretending that being apart was what was best for us, when all that had ever done was make us both miserable. And I had faith that our new commitment ran deep enough to weather any storm.
Perhaps ‘commitment’ wasn’t the right word. I’d like to think commitment had never been our issue. Our relationship was far more nuanced than that. Instead, I told myself that we were two young souls deeply in love, but with too much baggage and not enough life experience to be able to navigate the complexities of a mature relationship.
It was time to extend forgiveness to our younger selves, to acknowledge the mistakes we’d made, but also the lessons we’d learned along the way. Through sheer determination, and probably a whole lot of luck, we’d found our way back to each other, now armed with the wisdom and maturity to confront our issues head-on.
That didn’t mean I was in any hurry to leave the sanctuary of our love bubble. For now, we’d said it all that needed to be said, the details hazy but the essence of our connection crystal clear. Knowing that this wasn’t our final night together was all that mattered to me.
Eventually Colt’s fingers began to wander, and I flinched when he stumbled across a particularly ticklish spot on my ribs. I silently cursed, hoping he’d forget about it.
A laugh rumbled from Colt’s chest as I squirmed under his touch. “Why the fuck did you choose here of all places to get a tattoo if you’re this ticklish?” he teased.
“It’s embarrassing,” I mumbled.
He shrugged, unfazed. “Don’t care. Now roll over, and show me the goods. I need to know if I have to dump you already.”
Despite having already bared my soul to him, I felt weirdly nervous as I revealed the ink on my skin. It was irrational, considering he already knew the darkest parts of me and hadn’t run for the hills yet. Hopefully. God, please don’t let him think that restraining order may have been a good idea on that asshole’s part.
I watched anxiously as Colt’s gaze traced the lines of text, one clearly older than the other. The tension mounted as I tried to decipher his reaction, unsure of what was running through his head.
“When did you get this?” he finally whispered, his expression still not giving anything away.
I visualized the words etched onto the side of my heart. A bit on the nose, sure, but I’d never be able to shake the hopeless romantic at my core. The symbolism resonated with me, especially after adding the second line. After all, Colt would always own my heart.
I’m to blame for both your wet eyes
But my soul will always be yours
The first part, a modified lyric from his debut album, had been etched into my skin the day I first heard the song. I’d wanted it to be a tribute to his achievement, a reminder of how proud I was of him for pursuing his dreams despite everything, and an acknowledgement of the pain I’d caused him along the way.
The second line, borrowed from the bridge of “Imperfect Cadence,” had served as a beacon of hope. I’d added it just a few weeks ago, after I was released from the hospital and was desperately searching for a tangible reminder that our story wasn’t over, even when every sign pointed out it was.
I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes as I answered, “Pretty much as soon as I heard it.”
“You cared about me that much to ink my lyrics onto your skin forever? Over the span of seven years?”
“If I couldn’t have you in my life, I wanted to at least have a reminder of you. I wanted to honor and celebrate everything you accomplished, every obstacle you overcame to get what you wanted. I wish I had even a fraction of your courage.”
Colt’s emotions returned in full force, tears welling up once more. “I can’t believe I wasted all those years resenting you, when here you were, making me a permanent part of your life in any way you could.”
“Shh. None of that,” I murmured, running my fingers through his hair in a soothing gesture. “There is nothing to be gained by dwelling on the past. We can’t change it. All we can do is move forward.”
We sat in silence as Colt fought to regain control of his breathing. Eventually, he let out a deep sigh and lifted his chin to meet my eyes. “So, how do we move forward from here? I’m about to embark on a world tour for the next three months, and your life is here with Violet. I would cancel the whole damn thing in a heartbeat, but I can’t do that to my fans. Not after the support they’ve given me. Especially not since I think this tour will be my last...”
“Whoa, hold on,” I interrupted. “I’m not letting you quit your career for me.”
If looks could kill, I’d be a dead man walking. Colt looked murderous. “Don’t you fucking dare do that, or I’m leaving right now. In fact, I’m making this a non-negotiable rule right now, even though I shouldn’t have to. You don’t get to make those kinds of decisions for me, Gray. I’m not a child. Believe it or not, I’ve given this more than two seconds of thought, and I sure as hell am not doing it for anybody but me.”
I opened my mouth to respond, when Colt leveled me with another glare. I quickly shut my mouth and listened.
“I love music. More than anything, except for you. But I hate being in the spotlight. I know you have this romanticized view of my life and how I achieved my dream, but most of the time, I’ve been miserable because of it. I’ve spent the better part of the last decade feeling trapped, and I’m ready for it to stop. I didn’t say I’m giving up music, just touring.”
“Oh,” I muttered, feeling like a scolded child..
