“I have to talk to you. I did something. And I don’t want you to be upset.”
Okay, any talk that starts withI did something and don’t want you to be upset,can’t help but get you anxious. Hashe been seeing someone else? I couldn’t help but wonder if eventually this day would come. He was so adamant against having any kind of relationship. Had he grown tired of playing house?Of course he has, Jillian. He’s a hot, single guy.Is this danger he speaks of merely a convenient way to make an exit when he’s done?
“Myla came home upset today.” Oh. I wasn’t expectingthat. “Caleb said she can be too hard on herself with her grades, so I thought maybe that was it.”
I crook my brow, surprised Caleb would’ve said such a thing. I honestly didn’t realize he was so astute.
“He told me that she’d acted like this when getting a B for a grade before, so I looked in her backpack to see if that was why she wasn’t acting like herself.”
My pulse is starting to pound in my ears. Where’s he going with this? And why didn’t Myla let me know something was wrong when I tucked her in before my shower? She seemed fine. Happy even.
“I found this.” He hands me a crumbled piece of stationery.
As I unfold it, the word Father practically smacks me in the face. My hand flies to my throat. My poor, sweet, Myla.
Looking up with tears in my eyes, I try to wrap my head around this conversation. Wait?I did something and don’t want you to be upset.“I don’t understand, Lu?—”
“I offered to take her. It was wrong. I should’ve spoken to you about it first. But she was crying, and I couldn’t take it anymore. That beautiful girl deserves the world. I never meant to act as if I could take his place. Jillian, I only wanted to chase her tears away.”
Hell with space.I nearly throw myself headfirst the remainder of the way down the couch. I can’t stop the tears from pouring down my face. “What did she say?”
“She nodded. And her smile finally came back out. But I had no right.”
I look into his handsome face. “Luca, I… You…” I’m so overwhelmed it’s hard to find the right words. “You’ve been so good to us. All of us.” I sniffle. “It’s been so hard since...” I blubber. “Hardest on them. Even though he wasn’t here much, they understood that. But this…”
Luca pulls me into his lap, swiping away at the heavy teardrops hanging onto my lashes. “How did he die, Cucciolotta?”
“He shot himself.”
Luca’s movements halt abruptly. I rarely share the details of Dillon’s death with anyone. Even those who knew us when it happened. Each time I tell the story, it opens old wounds that simply refuse to heal.
“Was he in the army when it happened?” His voice sounds tentative, as if he’s afraid to traverse this minefield with me, but deciding to take it slowly, nonetheless.
“Hewasin the army. Myla, Caleb, and I had moved there to live on base housing with him only a few months before.”
He strokes my hair cautiously. Like petting a stray you’re trying not to frighten. “So, the little turtle wasn’t here yet?”
My face falls. “I was five months pregnant with Truitt.” Memories of that stressful time come rushing back. I’d been placed on bedrest because of my elevated blood pressure. It’s a miracle I made it to full term with him.
It’s quiet again for several moments, like he’s trying to digest it all. “Tell me to stop if it’s too much, Jillian.”
I nod.
“So, how did you find out?”
“I heard it.”
Luca freezes.
I decide to push through, rather than prolong the agony of retelling this story, question by question. “I heard a pop. It woke me. We were still trying to adjust to our new home. The base housing was so different from living with my mother. The walls were thin, and you could practically hear your neighbors discussing the weather. But I had a sense the sound had come from inside our home, so I got up. There was a strange smell, like a combination of boiled eggs and metal.” I notice Luca flinch, almost as if he knew the exact scent. “As I came down the steps, it felt like I was walking through smoke. ’Til the air cleared. And I saw him.”
I bury my face in Luca’s neck, hoping to gain the strength I need to continue. “There was so much blood. It was everywhere. I started to panic that there was an intruder in the house and turned to run grab my phone when…” I choke on a sob at the memory, forever etched in my mind’s eye.
“Shhh. It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.”
The sniffling has turned into full blown weeping as I recall that night. “And then I saw Myla.”
Luca pushes me back, looking into my eyes. “Myla saw him like that?”
