Page 107 of You & Me: Part Two
"What did you wish for, sweetie?"
She lifts those big warm eyes up to mine. She takes a breath and blows it out so she can get one of her wild curls out of her face. She starts to speak, but stops and looks down again before she softly says, "I wished that you, me, mommy and Frances could all be a family together."
I can’t breathe.
This little girl has brought me to my knees figuratively and quite literally. I’ve fallen forward out of my squatting position and on to my knees. I instinctively pull Ireland in for a hug, and silently thank her for what she’s just given me.
I feel like Superman right now. I honestly feel like I could stop a speeding train or fly into the night’s sky. It’s as though Ireland’s belief in me is all I need to do any of those things. My moment of elation ebbs as I remember this wish has Emily hiding in her room crying. I’m not sure how I should be taking that, but I suddenly feel a little less like I could fly.
"You aren't mad?" She asks with sad eyes and I realize I haven’t verbally replied to her statement. I hate to see her looking so sad when she’s made me so happy.
"No, Princess, not at all. In fact, I think that is the best wish I have ever heard. I hope you know how important you are to me Ireland. Thank you for your wish and I hope one day both of our wishes come true. Now let me go check on your momma, and you go show Uncle Mick your dress again. It's very pretty by the way," I say as I kiss on the top of her head.
“Em…” I say as I gently knock on her bedroom door. “Can I come in?”
“Yes,” I hear her sniff out behind the door.
I cautiously open the door and poke my head in, unsure of what I might find. I’m a combination of nerves right now. I’m still riding high from Ireland’s confession, but I’m afraid my heart is about to be trampled on by the love of my life.
I see her sitting in the middle of her bed with her back against the headboard and her knees pulled up to her chest. There is still a steady stream of tears cascading down her face. I close the door behind me. I take a seat next to her and hand her the box of tissues that I grabbed from the bathroom before I came in. Just like her, I sit against the headboard with my legs pulled into my chest and my eyes straight ahead and give her a minute before I speak.
“You okay, baby?”
“I don’t know,” she sniffs reaching for another tissue.
I inhale and exhale out as calmly as I can so that she can’t see that I am petrified to have this conversation with her. Things have been perfect the last month and a half, but her behavior has me rattled and I’m not sure how to handle the situation. I’m the guy that always wears his heart on his sleeve though, so I can’t let it linger and I just dive right in. Might as well rip off the band-aid.
“Ireland told me what she wished for and…” Emily cuts me off before I can continue as she gasps and puts her hand over her mouth.
“I am so sorry,” she sobs out after removing her hand from her mouth and taking both of her hands to cover her face.
“Sorry? Why are you sorry? Because that was one of the best birthday wishes I have ever heard. Are you sorry because you don’t feel the same way that Ireland does?” I don’t mean to sound cold, but I can hear the sharpness to my tone as I ask the question.
Emily turns her body towards me and tucks her legs underneath herself and kneels on her knees and waits for me to turn and meet her eyes with mine.
“No, it’s not that Georgia. I swear! Hearing her wish made me feel so sorry for her. I feel horrible that my little girl has grown up without a father and has to wish for a family. That nearly did me in. It reminded me that no matter how hard I try, my daughter still feels like she’s missing something, and she’s only five. A five-year-old shouldn’t have to make those wishes, Jonathan.”
This I get. But why do I feel like there’s more to it?
“I also don’t want you to feel any pressure from either one of us. I especially don’t want you to want to take that next step because my daughter has you wrapped around her little finger. If we take that next step, I want it to be for the right reasons. I also don’t want to get her hopes up for something that may not be in her future,” I start to protest but Emily lifts her finger to my lips and continues to explain.
“I don’t mean that because I have doubts about you, Jonathan. It’s myself I worry about. I have never even been in a long term relationship let alone talked about the ‘M’ word. What if I mess this up? What if I am just no good at this and it doesn’t work out? I have no idea what I’m doing, Jonathan. I know I love you and I don’t want to be with anybody else. I also know that I am in this for as long as you’ll have me.” She takes a breath and says, “When I look at my future, it’s you I see. I’m just so scared that I am going to mess us up.”
“Well, I guess it’s my job to find a way to prove to you that I’m not going anywhere no matter what happens. Neither one of us are perfect, and we’re both going to make mistakes. As long as we’re both faithful and honest with each other, we aren’t going to be able to mess us up bad enough for me to walk away from you. I would ‘M’ word you tonight if I thought you were ready, but you aren’t and I’m okay with that. Please just remember that you can talk to me about anything. If something’s bothering you or you’re scared, don’t hide it from me. No secrets, no lies. Just truth between us…always. Let’s start with that. What do ya say?”
She nods her head and says, “I love you, Georgia. Thanks for being so patient with me.”
“Whatever you need, baby. You and me. We’re in this together.”
39
Emily
“Merry Christmas Eve, baby,” Jonathan says as he sits across from me on the floor in front of the Christmas tree; the tree that the three of us decorated together. Jonathan and I are getting some alone time as Mick takes Ireland to afternoon holiday tea at the Heathman. He really is the best brother ever. Tea was his idea, and Ireland couldn’t have been more excited to get dressed up and have a date with her uncle.
“Merry Christmas Eve, handsome,” I reply playfully. “So what are we going to do with hours alone with just the two of us?” I ask as I lean forward and try to devour him with my lips.
He kisses me back, but I can tell his whole heart isn’t into it. “What’s wrong, Georgia?”
