Page 96 of Beyond Expectations
“I mean it. I’m fine. I wouldn’t say I was distraught, nor would I say I’m happy now. But I’m getting by, which is more than I can say than the rest of my family.”
“And what about Serena? Has she been helping you get through any of this?”
I felt my body begin to tense. Taking a large sip of coffee, I cleared the lump beginning to form in my throat.
“Things are complicated.”
I didn’t know what else to say.
“May I ask what happened?”
It was not surprising that she asked but I only opened up to a few people. And with the ones I did, I was always careful with what I said, as there were only a few people who cared. The rest wanted something to gossip about or manipulate me for their advantage.
I knew it was safe to talk to her because Mrs Cole looked into my eyes, not wanting, or expecting anything in return, genuinely caring and worrying about my well-being.
Everyone had been trying to get me to speak to them since the day my father died. Not one had succeeded.
“The last time I saw you, I was here with Serena. We were having a wonderful time. Then I got the call to say my dad had been rushed to hospital.”
I watched as she nodded in understanding.
“She told me you had to leave due to a family emergency. As soon as you left, her face was full of worry.”
I didn’t think about how Serena was feeling. I knew I just needed to leave.
“The whole family stayed there that night. I remember every minute detail. They are as clear as if they were happening right now in front of me. Before my father died, he shared with me his last words and wishes. Part of me knew I should have run and called the family in, but I didn’t want to risk missing what he had to say. I’ve played back every word he spoke a thousand times.”
“Did he say something cryptic?”
“No. It’s not that. I… I… I don’t know. I feel like I’m seeking an answer to something even though there isn’t one.”
“When our loved ones pass, one of the biggest things that happens is we question everything. Wanting to find answers to things at any other given time, wouldn’t have any relevance or importance. But grief hits people in mysterious ways.”
I nodded in response, not sure how else to answer.
“Anyway, after he died, I just didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to step up and be there for my family. Be their rock, shoulder to cry on, whatever they needed. There wasn’t time for me to wallow in self-pity or give into my grief. I had too much to do.”
Drinking more coffee, I did my best to stay focused on what I was trying to say. I couldn’t let my emotions get the better of me. Not now.
“So, I shut myself out. I answered people’s questions and concerns as simplistically as I could. Not wanting to get into things too deeply.”
“I’m guessing that also included Serena?”
“Yes. It may have been the wrong thing to do. But it was all I could do. The only way of getting through each day. She did try. She tried getting in touch, offering me her support, but I couldn’t. So, I shut her out, too. Then, one day, I desperately needed to see her. So, I did.”
I explained what had happened, obviously omitting the part where we had sex.
“I hadn’t planned to tell her I was falling in love with her. That wasn’t my intention when I had gone around. It just came out. But as soon as I said the words, that was when everything went wrong. I thought I was doing the right thing, opening up and telling the woman who had been the only source of happiness the love I’d felt. Never in my life had I wished I could go back in time as much as I do to that moment.
“Serena doesn’t love me. And I wasn’t planning to wait around to find out the reason. So, I left. The next day was my father’s funeral and as I’m sure you can imagine, it wasn’t an easy day. First, my brother Julian was a drunken mess, then my ex turned up.”
“What was it that annoyed you more? Your brother’s behavior or your ex’s arrival?”
“Definitely the latter. The problem is that she and my mother believe it’d be best for me to be with her instead. I now know they had this crazy twisted notion that Serena’s just a phase and that I would, for whatever reason, go back to Verity. Not once did they stop to think what I wanted. Anyway, I caused a massive scene, which obviously wasn’t the time nor the place. Mother was devastated as it was and there I was making things worse.”
I felt sick to my stomach. I should have had more control over myself. How had I allowed Verity to affect me so?
“After the funeral, I went back to my apartment. Anyway, later, I find Verity standing in my lounge, having let herself in. She goes off on a verbal rampage against Serena. She was spouting all about how Serena isn’t the right type of woman for me, saying racist, vulgar, and degrading things. Then, to my utter shock, Serena appeared out of nowhere, and by the tears running down her face, it was clear she had heard the whole horrible thing. Obviously, I kicked Verity out. There was no way in hell I would want anybody that spoke about the woman I love anywhere near me. Nor would I let them hurt her any more than she already had. But there was no point. She didn’t want to stay, she had clearly heard enough. So, she left. And once again, I was left, dealing with my father’s death, having an upset mother, a crazy deluded ex, and the woman I wanted to be with, not wanting me.”
