Page 28 of Walk of Shame
“Can we go sit?” Ashley trembles in my arms and all I want to do is wrap her up and protect her forever.
But some instinct tells me that’s not what she needs, and if I want her, I’m going to need to hear this story. That she needs to get it out so it can stop having power over her.
I nod, release her, before taking her hand. We make our way to the shoreline and sit on the sandy beach, close enough that the water laps over our feet, keeping us cool in the hot sun. She bends her knees and curves her arms around them, looking out into the vast blue ocean.
Protecting herself so she can continue. She blows out a deep breath. “I’m not sure there’s much to tell. I met Trevor my junior year of college and convinced myself it was love at first sight. He was a typical frat guy, and all he really wanted from me was a hookup. I was so infatuated with him, every time he decided to pay me the least bit of attention I was like an eager puppy at the dinner table, looking for any stray scraps that came my way.”
I instantly understand the kind of relationship she meant. Although I wasn’t sure you can call it a relationship. Xavier had girls like that, girls that would jump the second he called. Girls he could pick up the phone and they’d drop whatever they were doing and come over and do all sorts of salacious acts to prove to him they were better than all the rest.
She never was. X never gave those girls a moment’s thought when he wasn’t with them.
That one sentence is all Ashley needs to tell me to show me the cycle she’d put herself through, and how it had worn her down until that’s who she believed herself to be.
I nod, put my hand on her back and rub, to encourage her to keep going with her story.
She bites her lower lip. “I let him use me, because I told myself this would be the time he stayed. When that no longer worked, I deluded myself into thinking he wasn’t a commitment guy, and that emotionally I was important because I was the only girl who he kept coming back to.” She hugs her knees tighter and shakes her head. “I let it go on because in my head I was desperately in love with him.”
I make big circles over her warm skin with my palm. “What happened?”
She laughs, and it’s full of bitterness. “I was with him, and a week later he met a dancer. They eloped to Vegas practically the second they met.”
Ouch. That had to hurt. When you’ve bought the story you’re selling yourself, you crash long and hard. “I’m sorry. That must have sucked.”
She huffs. “Yeah, it did. After, I went crazy. It’s like I had to find some way to make him pay. To make him crazy with jealousy so I went into a downward spiral of one-night stands and a bunch of crazy-stupid acts I don’t even want to think about.”
The sad fact was, all of Ashley’s self-destructive behavior was for naught; this asshole Trevor never gave a shit about her.
Her acts didn’t hurt him—they only hurt her.
I can tell she’s beating herself up, so I offer her a smile to let her know I’m not beating her up about it. I don’t know what makes me even say it, but I follow my instincts. “You mean stupid acts like propositioning Chad?”
She screeches and buries her face in between her arms and groans. “Oh my god, you know about that?”
I laugh and pull her close, kissing the top of her head. “Yeah, he told me the night of the engagement party.”
“It’s so humiliating!” She puts her head on my shoulder, which pleases me immensely. “Why don’t you hate me?”
I squeeze her shoulders. “Because I know it has nothing to do with him. You were trying to fill a void, Ashley. Everyone does that sometimes, in a million different ways. Some are just more self-destructive than others.”
She sniffs. “Well, I did that before Ruby and Chad were even together. I did apologize after the fact. So it’s not like she doesn’t know and it’s some sort of secret.”
“I know, Ruby was there when he told me. It was their argument for why you were on the rebound and my virtue needed to be protected.” Besides, Chad and Ruby have no secrets.
She gazes up at me and wrinkles her nose. “For the record, I’m not carrying a torch for your brother.”
I chuckle, releasing her to tuck a hand under her chin. “I know that.”
“Nothing happened either, he turned me down flat.”
“I know that too.” I stroke my finger down the line of her jaw. “If it makes you feel better, it was nothing personal. Chad has a very particular type, and you’re not it.” I don’t know a ton about my brother’s sexual practices, but I know enough to discern he only dates submissive girls. Ruby being the last and final one on the list.
She bites her lower lip. “It doesn’t matter. But you’re not a substitute.”
I want to kiss her, to take her mouth and show her exactly how I feel about her, but that breaks my promise so I settle for dipping my gaze to her mouth and wishing. “I know.”
“You do?” Her voice is a whisper.
“Yes. It was too hot between us, too intense for there to be room for anyone else.” I grip her chin and squeeze, controlling my desire to claim her. “When my cock was inside you, and I looked into your eyes, we were the only two people in the world.”
